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17 October 2018

The Woman at the Well

God is good all the time.

Today I identified myself with the woman at the well.


Having lived with rejection & abandonment all my life, I have learnt to shut people out. Childhood emotional neglect as well as other traumas during my life have resulted in my lifelong struggle with anxiety & depression. This of course brought on feelings of shame, guilt & inadequacy which cause me to withdraw into myself & thus worsening the feelings of rejection & abandonment because people don't see the real broken me & I in turn think they don't care.


I still struggle to grasp the Lord's "father" heart & love for me because I didn't have a loving earthly father. I shy away from relationships because I've spent a lifetime doing for others & being who I thought the wanted me to be so they wouldn't leave (which they did anyway) rather than being who God created me to be.


Feelings I battle with daily include, inadequacy, insecurity, abandonment, guilt, shame, anxiety, lack of confidence & trust issues.


Even worse, I have also shut God out. He has just recently redeemed my life from the pit & I am still struggling to work through all the emotional traumas of my life. Even though I can praise & worship Him now & I listen to sermons on my morning walks, I still struggle with building a relationship because I find myself at a loss of words when needing to express what's in my heart. I know He knows my heart, but sometimes it feels that I don't even know my own.


There's an emptiness deep down in our gut that only God can fill through a healthy, thriving relationship with Christ himself.

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