There are moments in life when heaven breaks through so tangibly that your heart knows it will never be the same again. The Elijah House Loved, Chosen & Free seminar was one of those moments for me. Clive and I had gone that day to learn more about healing shame — but I didn’t expect to become the demonstration.

When Sandra asked for a volunteer, my hand lifted before my mind could object. I heard myself say, “I’m a mistake.” The words tumbled out from a place deeper than thought — from the ache of being born after an illegitimate and an aborted brother, from the unspoken grief of being an “oh no” instead of an “oh yes.”

As I stood before that room, the Holy Spirit peeled back the layers of my life like tender silk — revealing how the lie “I’m a mistake” had quietly shaped everything: the striving, the people-pleasing, the anxiety, the depression. The ache of not being wanted had written itself into my story, colouring my relationships, my faith, even how I saw God.

Then came Sandra’s prayer — words that felt like the Father Himself whispering into the womb of my being:

As she prayed, something holy shifted. The air felt weighty with love. Tears streamed, but they weren’t of sorrow anymore — they were baptismal, washing away the residue of rejection. The oh no was gone. In its place bloomed God’s eternal yes.

Later, during the lunch break, a woman approached me with radiant eyes. She told me she had looked up the meanings of my names — Patrizia, meaning “of noble descent,” and Trixi, meaning “bringer of joy.” I could hardly speak. For years, I had run from both names — from Patrizia, because it reminded me of pain, and from Trixi, because I thought joy had disqualified me from being taken seriously. Yet here was God, weaving both together, showing me who I truly was: His beloved daughter, noble and joyful, chosen and free.

That day, He whispered:

“You are chosen

You are loved

You are not a mistake.

You are My intentional design.

I delight in you.”

The healing began with renouncing lies, forgiving, and releasing the old patterns of self-protection — but it has continued ever since, like a quiet stream winding through the landscape of my heart. Every time I doubt my worth, I return to that moment — the echo of His voice still alive within me:

Healing Reflection: What Was Revealed and Released

Foundational Lies

• I am a mistake.

• I shouldn’t be here.

• I am unwanted and unworthy of love.

• Everything I do is wrong.

• People can’t be trusted.

Sinful Responses

• Agreeing with the enemy’s lies about my worth.

• Striving for perfection and approval to earn acceptance.

• Self-rejection and self-hatred.

• Emotional withdrawal and self-protection through isolation.

• Taking responsibility for everything — even what wasn’t mine to carry.

Bitter Root Judgements

• Judging my parents for neglect, rejection, and lack of affection.

• Judging authority figures (teachers, leaders) as harsh and untrustworthy.

• Judging myself as broken beyond repair.

Inner Vows

• “I will never trust anyone again.”

• “I will not need anyone.”

• “I will shut down before I get hurt.”

• “I must be perfect to be accepted.”

• “I will do everything myself.”

Expectancies / Bitter-Root Expectations

• Expecting rejection and disappointment in relationships.

• Expecting that love will always hurt.

• Expecting that my needs will not be met.

• Expecting to be misunderstood and overlooked.

Double-Binds

• “If I open my heart, I’ll be hurt; if I close it, I’ll be alone.”

• “If I succeed, I’ll be punished; if I fail, I’ll prove I’m a mistake.”

Vows Renounced and Truths Embraced

• I renounce the lie that I am a mistake and embrace God’s yes — that I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

• I renounce the vow of self-protection and receive the covering of God’s love.

• I renounce perfectionism and rest in grace.

• I renounce isolation and open my heart to safe, Spirit-led connection.

• I renounce self-reliance and choose to trust my Heavenly Father.

Truth Received

• I am loved, wanted, and chosen.

• God delights in me.

• I am safe in His presence.

• My name carries His blessing — noble and bringer of joy.

• I am free to love, create, and live without fear.

💡Reflection:

• What “oh no” has echoed in your life — a phrase, a belief, or a memory that still shapes how you see yourself?🤔

• Invite the Holy Spirit to reveal His oh yes over that place today. What truth does He want to plant in your heart instead?🤔

🙌Prayer:

Father, thank You that I am not an accident. You saw me, loved me, and chose me before the foundations of the earth. I bring to You every echo of “oh no” that still lingers in my heart. Redeem it with Your oh yes — Your welcome, Your delight, Your truth. Heal every place of rejection and restore the joy of being fully known and fully loved.

In Jesus’ Name, Amen.