This morning, after reading my Bible and spending time in prayer, I drifted off into a vivid dream that has lingered with me all day. In it, Clive and I were sitting in our lounge with visitors when I noticed a box standing there. I picked it up to throw it out, but underneath was a huge bug. As I carried the box to the door, I heard a strange buzzing like a windstorm inside. I searched for Doom to spray, but the cupboard where I usually kept it was empty — nothing familiar was there.

When I reached the kitchen door and opened it, I found that our house was floating in the sky. I had to grip the security gate tightly so I wouldn’t be swept away. I threw the box outside and returned to the lounge, relieved — only for it to reappear later, crawling with even more bugs. I heard myself say, “I thought I’d thrown it out,” and then I woke up, distraught, with a headache and itchy eyes and face that had been fine the night before.

I don’t usually remember my dreams, but this one felt like a message. Could it be reflecting my inner turmoil — the places where I feel stuck, especially in learning the language of the heart and conducting heart interviews with myself?🤔 Even Clive has been asking what’s wrong because apparently it shows on my face. I don’t have answers, only a sense of wrestling. Since “trigger season” began last November, there’s been a regular cycle of wanting to lie down and fade away. It disappears for a while but then reappears, just like that box of bugs.

It’s also the second time this year I’ve reacted to something so severely that my face and eyes have been itchy for over a week. I’ve wondered if these food intolerances might be spiritually rooted. Even my worship flag dance sessions on Monday and Thursday mornings — normally a time of freedom — have felt like a struggle this month.

Part of me is even ashamed to admit I’ve wondered if this could be a slumbering spirit, spiritual captivity, or even demonic. To be running the Healing Trauma series while fighting my own battles feels hypocritical. “What if I mess this up?🤔” is a question that pops up more often than I’d like to admit.

A Gentle Interpretation

This dream feels like an invitation, not an accusation. The box of bugs might represent issues, fears, or lies we think we’ve dealt with but which resurface when stress, triggers, or transition seasons open old doors. The floating house suggests instability—the feeling of being ungrounded while you’re trying to step into your purpose. The missing Doom could symbolise the absence of your usual coping mechanisms. Yet even in the dream, you acted: you picked up the box, carried it out, and threw it away. That shows courage and perseverance, even when familiar tools seem missing.

You’re not a hypocrite for struggling while helping others heal. You’re a human being in process. Healing is not a straight line but a cycle where layers are peeled away. In your dream, the bugs increased, but so did your awareness. That’s not defeat—that’s revelation. God brings things into the light not to shame us but to set us free.

💡Reflection:

• What “bugs” have I thought I dealt with, but which seem to reappear in new seasons?🤔

• Where might God be asking me to replace familiar “sprays” (coping mechanisms) with His power and presence?🤔

• How can I show myself grace as I lead others while still healing myself?🤔

🙌🏻Prayer

Lord Jesus, thank You for showing me what still lingers in the hidden corners of my heart. Help me not to fear the bugs but to hand the box to You completely. Ground me in Your truth so that even when the winds of change blow, I hold fast to Your Word. Strengthen me to walk in freedom and to minister from a place of authenticity and grace. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.