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23 July 2024

Sink or Swim?

What's on your mind Facebook asks...

Conference for 250 people... the biggest I've ever organised is our wedding & anniversary dinner for 50. The enormity of it all really hit home last week when we went to view the venues. That's a huge space & LOT of people for someone with a lifelong struggle with social anxiety.

Will I sink or swim?🤔

You know that moment when you don't know what you're doing & you think you're going to mess it all up & are feeling totally of control? Panic stations hit hard this morning. It feels a lot like audition anxiety used to feel 😕

I don't have any experience or checklists I can draw on to bring order in my chaos... I'm feeling out of control & it's triggering childhood out-of-control chaos.

I sure wish I believed in myself as much as the people that surround me do.

And on top of that Ouboet shared some post divorce memories I had buried, this morning but they hit a trigger switch big time.😭 Along with some other things, he said some attributes remain as we grow up but our silence came from stepdad who always told us to think before we speak. Somewhere along the line, we got stuck at thinking.  🤔

Yet another process to work through in my rapid succession this year...😢🫠😪 Another battle between my head 🧠 & my heart ❤️ that needs to be resolved.

I've gotta pull myself closer to myself, as Clive always tells me when I freak out... I have places to go & people to see today.

That's pretty much what I'm thinking & feeling right now🤦‍♀️

Oh God, oh God, oh God, don't let me mess this up.

Lord Jesus, I invite You to come as the Prince of Peace & bring Your peace to my heart today. Would You help me take captive my anxious thoughts & bring them under submission to Your Word.

Holy Spirit, would You give me a word, a picture or a memory to help me track where in my little girl heart I have come to believe the LIES that I'm incapable & ill-equipped so we can lay an axe to the root. Lord, would You bring healing to that little-girl heart that felt lost & alone in the chaos of her life.

Father in any area of my life where I've come to believe False Evidence Appearing Real, would You shine your light on the LIES & help me to bring all FEAR to effective death at the Cross of Christ.

You have not given me a spirit of fear but of Love, power & a sound mind. It's not by power or might, but by Your Spirit. Lord, would You come into my weakness & reveal Your strength.

Thank You, Lord.

Note to self:

God can do so much more with your surrender, than you'll ever do with your control. God will handle what you can't handle yourself. It's okay to ask for His help. He loves you. No matter what you're going through in your life, God will forever be by your side. "Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

Yes, I can't do it alone, but He has put people in my life to help me THROUGH the hard lessons, I just have to learn it's okay to accept help & He will never leave me nor forsake me.


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