I have never not known fear.

It has been a familiar companion, lingering in the background of my days, shaping my choices, softening my voice, narrowing my steps. Shame, too, has walked closely beside it. I learned early how to hide, how to make myself smaller, how to disappear behind convenience and caution. Dresses were set aside, colour muted, beauty restrained. Not because I did not love beauty, but because I did not want to be seen.

Self-protection became a way of life.

I told myself it was practicality, wisdom and modesty. Yet deeper still lived the unspoken expectation that visibility invited harm, that being noticed made me vulnerable. Fear whispered that safety lay in obscurity.

Healing has been a long and holy work.

It took years to reclaim what trauma pressed down. Four years passed before I wore a dress again, five years before I could say I was learning to embrace the woman God created me to be, feminine, tender, strong, and whole. Healing did not rush me. It walked with me, patiently restoring what was buried.

Along the way, I noticed something unexpected.

As self-hatred loosened its grip, my body responded. Allergies that had worsened alongside my inner disdain began to ease as I learned to treat myself with compassion. The body remembers what the soul carries. When love replaces contempt, even the flesh breathes more freely.

Still, fear remained.

I could name its roots, understand its patterns, yet it lingered. I carried a vision from God, a call to create a place of healing and community, and I hesitated. For years I hesitated. Seven years of circling obedience, telling myself I was waiting on God, when in truth I was afraid.

Then came the key.

Not striving. Not pushing. Not proving.

Thanksgiving.

I had never understood it this way before. Thanksgiving does not merely soften the heart, it disarms fear. Praise lifts heaviness, yet thanksgiving reaches deeper, uprooting anxiety at its source. Fear cannot survive where gratitude is practised deliberately, consistently, reverently.

Thanksgiving shifts the inner posture from vigilance to trust.

It moves the soul from bracing for harm to recognising grace. As gratitude rises, fear loses its authority.

I began to see it clearly.

The garment of praise lifts depression, the spirit of heaviness. Thanksgiving confronts fear itself. What years of insight could not fully resolve, this simple obedience began to unlock.

I realised that fear had kept me within the comfort of familiar walls, even sacred ones. Staying close to church felt safe, yet obedience was calling me outward. God was inviting me to step beyond safety and into service, beyond containment and into calling.

So I moved. Quietly. Obediently. I converted my studio into a multifunctional space, relocated my work, bringing the vision into my own space. Not the final destination, but the first step. Faith does not demand the whole map, only the next faithful movement.

Thanksgiving made that step possible.

It did not erase fear instantly, but it loosened its grip. It reminded me that obedience is not powered by confidence, but by trust.

I see now that the vision was never delayed by God.

It was waiting for my heart to rest in gratitude rather than fear. Seven years was not wasted time; it was preparation. God wastes nothing, not even our hesitation.

🌱 This year, I choose to practise thanksgiving as a discipline of freedom.

I thank God not only for answered prayers, but for His presence in uncertainty. I thank Him not only when the way is clear, but while I am still learning to walk.

Fear may speak, but thanksgiving answers louder.

With each act of gratitude, another lock turns, another door opens, another step becomes possible.

🗝️The key was always in His hand.

Now, by grace, it is placed in mine.

💡 Reflection:

• Where has fear quietly shaped my choices more than I realised 🤔

• In what areas have I been waiting, when God has been inviting trust-filled movement 🤔

• How might deliberate thanksgiving loosen fear’s grip in my own life 🤔

• What simple step of obedience is being unlocked through gratitude today 🤔

🎺 Affirmation:

I am learning to live from gratitude, not fear. As I give thanks in all things, my heart rests, my steps steady, and God’s call unfolds with gentle clarity.

🙌 Prayer:

Faithful Father, thank You for walking patiently with me through every season of fear, hesitation, and healing. I thank You for Your presence when the way felt uncertain, and for Your kindness that never rushed my heart. Teach me to practise thanksgiving as holy obedience, trusting that You are leading me step by step. Where fear has held me back, let gratitude open the way. I place each new step in Your hands, knowing You are faithful to complete what You have begun.

In Jesus’ Name, Amen.