November to January have historically been my trigger seasons because I lost my village to immigration at 5, just 1 of many displacement traumas that would follow. Last year was one of the hardest trigger seasons for me because having renounced all my self-protection vows to box my emotions & not to feel, I have lost the ability to box & numb them, so I am having to learn to feel & rightly express my emotions thus making them seem more intense.

Two weeks ago I experienced a major trigger that had the potential to spiral me back into withdrawal & depression. When I arrived at church at 7h30 for worship dance, there were 3 men waiting to do some work. I wasn't aware they'd be there, felt unsafe & vulnerable. I rushed inside & locked the door behind me. I tried to dance but couldn't focus & the angst was rising uncontrollably inside me. After about 30 minutes I decided to call it quits & go home instead. However I would spend the rest of the day in tears & turmoil. When I came for foodbank the next day, I was totally distraught. Pastor David & Cobi prayed for me, then when I got downstairs, my friend, Caroline prayed off the trauma from the sexual abuse as a teen. The Holy Spirit revealed to me that I had judged men as unsafe & because of my dad's absence in my life, I had judged him as unprotective & come to expect that I'm not safe. After repenting from the judgments, expectations & lies I had come to believe, I was able to calm down & in spite of all the triggers the enemy had fired my way, the familiar spirit of heaviness during this season has not resurfaced this year.

I'm truly thankful for all the Lord has done & is still doing in our lives. Finally I have a home, a country, identity, a culture & it's okay to BE ME. I'm home in the Father's house & it's gorgeous. It's amazing. I just declare the boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places surely I have a delightful inheritance. I will praise the LORD, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I have set the LORD always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Psalm 16:6-8. Not crying myself to sleep after Christmas & being just 3 weeks shy of 5 years victory over depression are my biggest breakthrough miracles this year. My birthday has always been shrouded in heaviness & I have stopped celebrating them a long time ago but instead I now celebrate my new life in Christ. I'm no longer barely surviving but instead I'm thriving.

In spite of 2 major triggers over the last 4 weeks, I can now officially exclaim the enemy has won no victories & I'm still standing... thank You Jesus that You came to set the captives free & that You will use all the things I've been through for good.

I have good reason to celebrate: new LIFE in Christ.

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[1] I will exalt you, my God the King; I will praise your name for ever and ever. [2] Every day I will praise you and extol your name for ever and ever. [3] Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; his greatness no one can fathom. Psalms‬ ‭145:1‭-‬3‬ ‭NIV