I stumbled across this post on my LinkedIn feed this morning & it seriously rattled my cage ...😢🤔

Over the years I've had some very strong foundational lies in the area of things I believed I can't do:

1. I can't sing!

2. I can't dance!

3. I can't draw!

4. I can't paint!

5. I can't write!

6. I can't teach!

7. I can't speak publicly!

The first 4 have been resolved since I've embarked on my healing journey, leaving me with numbers 3 to 7 yet to be resolved.

Decades ago, as a teen, I used to write poetry when things were tough, but for some reason, I just stopped & my brother has been trying to encourage me over the last few years to try again, but at most I've managed 2 lines & then came up empty...

I can't even remember how many times I've been told to write a book after sharing my testimony, but here I'm still captive in the LIE that " I can't write!"

Later, at the office, I was typing up an acknowledgement email for the National Award Submissions, Elias had asked me to send. He wanted me to make it more personal but I kind of freaked out inwardly & heard myself say "but I can't write" to which he replied, "stop it, or I'll bury you alive in a box!" I haven't heard that one in a few weeks, but then I haven't been beating myself up as much as I used to when I first started working with him. (Watch "Stop It!!!" for context) He also said, he knew I had it in me & challenged me to have it done before I left to take Misha to the optometrist. Later when I took my email for him to check, he told me a story & ended with: "Before I read this, is this the best you can do?" to which I replied, "I think so. " Well, he approved it, but I was in turmoil yet again.

He came out of his office later asking why I was suddenly so quiet. Apparently, he had noticed, I've always been singing or humming whilst working. I deflected, blaming it on focusing on what I was doing & not having my headphones with music in but as I was journaling, I realised that wasn't quite true... I felt like a dear in the headlights & was wrestling with the inner turmoil & too ashamed to admit I was struggling.😞 Eish, I realise now I was hiding but when Elias came to find me, I pushed him away🤦‍♀️😢 & for that I've had to ask for forgiveness.

Well, apparently God's still not finished with me yet 🤔 & the foundational LIE "I can't write…!" seems to be next in line for uprooting once wounding, judgments, expectations & inner vows have been discovered.

Wait, there's more... Yet another unbelieving area of my heart that needs to be transformed. I was hoping  for a breather before the next uproot but apparently Holy Spirit has other plans.

I'm bracing myself for another fireball of cleansing as He helps me dig up the judgments, expectations & inner vows behind this LIE still holding me hostage.

I guess the rapid succession of uprooting this year means there's an assignment waiting that needs me to be FREE.

This is where I'll be writing it UGLY for now: This is my Story