Some parents don’t have stable bonds with their adult children because they haven’t acknowledged the things they did that hurt them as children — the words, the silences, the absence of protection. When a child grows up carrying unspoken wounds, those experiences don’t simply fade with time. They often settle into the child’s emotional foundation, shaping how they learn to trust, love, and see themselves.

Parents may sense the distance but not understand its roots — moments where the child felt unheard, unloved, or unprotected. The barrier becomes self-guilt for the parent and unspoken pain for the child. Neither side wants to re-open the wound. Years pass, conversations stay surface-level, and both quietly wonder why the closeness they long for never arrives.

True reconciliation takes courage: for the parent to take responsibility without defensiveness, for the adult child to share their pain without fear of being dismissed, and for both to meet in the uncomfortable space where healing can finally begin.

Just the other day, I saw an echo of this truth in Misha. His reaction — the look in his eyes, the tightening in his voice — felt like a reflection from my own past, before my healing journey. I knew that feeling: the sting of not being heard. It hit me with compassion for him, grief for the weight of that moment, and an ache of recognition that perhaps my past patterns had played some part in shaping his.

Yet alongside the ache, I felt a wave of gratitude. Healing has changed how I hear. Before, I might have met his tension with my own, or reasoned my way through without really listening. Now, I can lean in, slow down, and listen beyond the words — into the ache beneath them. That simple act of hearing differently is one way the cycle begins to break.

God redeems even the echoes.

I don’t need to remember every moment where I may have caused pain. The Holy Spirit can bring to mind what needs to be restored at the right time, not to shame me, but to heal what the enemy tried to steal. My part is to stay open, ready to own my wrongs when they surface, and willing to meet my children in the places where they need to be heard and seen.

💡Prayer:

Lord, thank You for the grace that allows me to see echoes of my past with both clarity and compassion. Help me to respond to Misha — and to anyone carrying unspoken wounds — with the gentleness and understanding I once needed myself. May my listening, my humility, and my love become places where healing can take root and grow. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.