For me, the cracks began to show after my ectopic pregnancy in 1996 — a moment that marked the unravelling of a lifetime of suppressed emotions and three more miscarriages after that. At the time, I had no idea I was battling high-functioning depression. Moving to New Zealand and the challenges that followed only amplified the pressure until my world came crashing down, and I faced a major breakdown in February 2018. Sometimes, in His boundless mercy, the Lord allows the

Change is never easy, but it’s one of those inevitable forces that shapes us in ways we can’t always predict. Change is difficult, not because we lack the ability, but because our emotions are so convincing. Over the last few months, I’ve come to embrace it, even when it felt uncomfortable because I’ve learned something important: growth often happens when we step out of what feels familiar. This morning, I spent time packing up Elias’ bookshelves in preparation for his move

In my quest for learning & personal growth, I've embarked on John Maxwell's 30-Day Growth Plan course. Be bold, he says & to ensure accountability, post it on social media or text your thoughts to a friend or mentor. Keep in mind, that a shared commitment becomes a strong commitment. So here are Day 1 reflections... What keeps you from being authentic with others?🤔 The risk of being rejected, ridiculed, or criticised. I know that my fear of rejection, ridicule, and critici

I thrive on the stability of knowing my next steps, as change often brings uncertainty & chaos. This preference stems from much displacement trauma caused by 13 schools & 34 moves by the time I was 18 as well as the chaos of my parents’ divorce when I was 11. Recently, I discovered that this is also part of my 72.81% of the DOER Life Language. Despite this, I have embraced many challenges of uncharted waters, figuring out processes, & documenting procedures. By doing so, I h

Now, here's a first in about 3 decades. I think my brother will be happy to know that I have finally tried my hand at poetry again. The painting is an art class project that would have landed in the trash can had our teacher not managed to fix up the nose I had so badly messed up. Imagine, if you will, oh, just think for a moment of a life without the masks that we use to hide all the pain inside. How awesome to break away from the facade of success and drivenness that

Psalms 61:1-3 NLT[1] O God, listen to my cry! Hear my prayer! [2] From the ends of the earth, I cry to you for help when my heart is overwhelmed. Lead me to the towering rock of safety, [3] for you are my safe refuge, a fortress where my enemies cannot reach me. Today, my heart feels heavy, my spirit is weighed down by sadness & I've cried a lot. The pain of betrayal cuts deep, because it always comes from those we love and trust. The responder in me gives my heart, whether p

En daar tjank ek toe snot en trane want die Here gee vir my uit-skryf-werk. Once again, God is up to something... This morning I spent an hour pre-tracing these canvases for tomorrow's children's church paint party and then I felt prompted to do the text with sharpie so that it would still be visible after painting the heart. What I didn't anticipate, however, was the inner turmoil that would result after having spent the last few weeks with overwhelm of out of control & chao

This week I realised just how easily we get tempted to revert back to our old sinful responses when familiar feelings are triggered & we feel crushed. As I've been processing Tuesday's meltdown, I realised it's not so much what happens to us, but how it makes us feel that trips us up & causes us to revert back to what worked before to help self-medicate the pain. I don't think it was a coincidence that Ouboet shared those painful memories I had buried, with me earlier that mo

When you call people by their NAME, you are reminding them of WHO they are & calling them forth & into who they are called to be. "What's in a name?" Shakespeare asked and then gave some bizarre answer about the properties of roses. A name is actually how God gives us a soul (neshama). By breathing (nashamah) a name (shem) into our unformed frames. For the Hebrews, the dawn was the only way to describe the creation of a soul. Shakespeare wasn't the only one to get it wrong.

Today I'm totally overwhelmed with joy because of the goodness & kindness of the Lord. 😊 Today I'm totally overwhelmed with joy because of the goodness & kindness of the Lord. 😊 This is a follow-up post of my previous post, Leading from the Stop & the testimony of the process to my breakthrough after being unraveled by reading "Another crisis will befall you. It’s not a case of ‘if’, but ‘when’. And when your world seems to come crashing down to an absolute halt, remember t

Here's what I HEARD after I came down for coffee snuggle time with the Lord this morning... My daughter, my friend. I'm so glad you're hearing this. I love you, my child. I’ve always loved you & I’ve been waiting for you to run to Me, to make Me your refuge from the storms. I was right there, with you in those darkest moments, longing to hold you when you shut me out because of wounding caused by those who have misrepresented Me. I was longing to comfort you & be your frien

If there's confusion, at any time you can pick up your Bible & I will speak to you. I will show you the way. Follow Me in simple obedience. In You, o Lord I have taken refuge... Turn your ear to me... be my rock of refuge... Since you are my rock & my fortress, for the sake of Your name lead and guide me... Into Your hands I commit my spirit; deliver me, Lord my faithful God. Psalm 31:1-3;5 NIV Guard my life and rescue me; do not let me be put to shame, for I take refuge

This is one of the Scriptures scribbled into the book I was given last week & I can absolutely see how God's been doing exactly that, providing exceedingly abundantly far above anything I've asked for. ‭‭Ephesians 3:20-21 NKJV‬ [20] Now to Him who is able to do EXCEEDINGLY ABUNDANTLY ABOVE ALL that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, [21] to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen. Never in a million years wo

Maybe it’s because leadership has shifted its focus from people to production; we’re in such a hurry to get things done that we neglect the very people who accomplish the things we need done. - Marc Cole This wasn't part of my weekend plan but fancy that... me reading a book on servanthood leadership, another one of my strengths that's been twisted through wounding... who would have thought someone who spent her life shying away & lurking in the shadows serving & following,

I received an email in my work mailbox that was addressed to Prue, a name I hadn't heard, mentioned, or even thought of in about 28 years. Coincidentally that's the name of my then 40-year old spinster office manager, who was very angry because I was pregnant 6 weeks into my new job because during my interview, I admitted we weren't planning having children yet. But then I found out I was pregnant right after getting back from unpaid leave for a wedding in Cape Town. One we

We are all wounded & have been called to journey together on this journey of life & healing. I'm amazed at how God is putting people in place to minister into the different areas of wounding so we can lay an axe to the root of our sinful responses. Elijah House has been a God sent for me, but I hadn't realised that all those bad job experiences are somehow connected to the areas of stuckness I'm still struggling with. Some more bitter judgements, expectations, inner vows, L

Tonight my heart is bursting at its seams because I'm seeing God's promises being fulfilled. I just want to sing praises because my cup overflows. For the first time in decades I'm feeling a joy bubbling up in my spirit. Excitement is building up it almost feels like my chest wants to explode. I want to shout it from the rooftops. "God is so good!" In March I attended the Catch the Fire Beyond 2024 conference. I wasn't going to attend it because of my exhibition being due

For the past year or so Clive's been pushing me to start a learning channel so I could "earn some money" to fund the ministry I'm doing. For some reason it's made me feel like a bewildered deer being pushed into a corner. I've said it many times before, my focus isn't business & I have to learn to trust that God will provide whatever I need to do the ministry He's called me to. For some reason the mere thought of running a business totally overwhelms me. He wants the learning

‭Reflecting on 2023 & all the freedom God has brought... Psalms‬ ‭103:2‭-‬5‬ ‭NIV‬‬ [2] Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits— [3] who forgives all your sins and heals ALL your diseases, [4] who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, [5] who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s. In January 2019, the Lord delivered me from a lifelong struggle with depression & suicidal thou

A person's name is the greatest connection to their own identity and individuality. Some might say it is the most important word in the world to that person... When someone remembers our name after meeting us, we feel respected and more important. It makes a positive and lasting impression on us. Having an identity is one of the most important things to our human nature. "Personal identity” is tied to our self-worth, how we see ourselves represented on a broad global stage am