For the past two years, serving on the sound desk, in the kitchen, and as an intercessor alongside the incredible Elijah House team during school holidays has been a true honour and highlight of my term. This week was another profoundly uplifting experience, filled with opportunities to witness the Holy Spirit's transformative inner healing work. From 9 AM to 5 PM daily, we gathered as a family, absorbing Sandra's enlightening lessons on how trauma impacts us and how to pursue freedom. Witnessing the team's dedication and students' breakthroughs was awe-inspiring. Together, we courageously explored deep wounds, facilitating life-changing healing and restoration in an atmosphere electrified by hope and transformation. Each session reinforced the power of vulnerability and the Holy Spirit's guidance. Seeing others breakthrough during small group ministry reinforced my own healing journey. Reflecting on this week fills me with gratitude for meaningful connections and transforming lives. I eagerly anticipate continuing this sacred work, knowing every moment with the Elijah House tribe fuels deeper understanding, healing, sanctification, and transformation. I'm looking forward to serving again at C-School in January, which promises to be another great family reunion. Together, we're changing the world 🌎 one 💔 heart at a time. Luke 4:18-19 NLT [18] “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, for he has anointed me to bring Good News to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim that captives will be released, that the blind will see, that the oppressed will be set free, [19] and that the time of the Lord’s favour has come. ”

I thrive on the stability of knowing my next steps, as change often brings uncertainty and chaos. This preference originates from the significant displacement trauma I experienced, having attended 13 schools and moved 34 times by the time I was 18, along with the turmoil of my parents’ divorce when I was 11. Recently, I learned that this aligns with 72.81% of my DOER Life Language. Despite this, I have embraced many challenges that come with uncharted waters, taking the initiative to figure out processes and document procedures. By doing this, I have created clear guidelines in the form of procedure manuals, blogs, and testimonies for others to follow, sparing them the uncertainty of not knowing how to get things done. My ability to navigate uncharted waters and document processes highlights not only my resilience but also my compassion and foresight. By providing clear guidelines for others, I offer a sense of security and direction for those who follow, making a significant impact on their lives.I’ve never considered it before, but I have been a pioneer in many areas of my life and career. I am indeed a pioneer—this represents 17.17% of my MOVER Life Language. I have transformed my experiences into strengths, embracing the role of a pioneer while ensuring stability and clarity for others. 🌟 https://www.trixiscreations.com/blog https://trixisfaithjournaling.blogspot.com/ http://trixisdigi-scraps.blogspot.com/ https://trixishomeed.blogspot.com http://mammamiakings.blogspot.com/ https://peacehavensa.blogspot.com/

Thank You, Lord, for my family, my friends, my "Battle Buddies" & my community. Thank You, Lord, for my family, my friends, my “Battle Buddies,” and my community. Father, I’m so grateful that You’ve called us to journey together. You didn’t design us to walk through life or healing alone. Some days, it’s really hard—but I thank You for the gift of family and the brothers and sisters who walk with us. They pick us up when we fall, cheer us on when we’re weary, strengthen us when we’re weak, and sometimes even carry us when we feel like we can’t take another step. Thank You, Lord, for the three kinds of friends You’ve placed in our lives: MENTORS: Godly men and women who have gone before us, showing us the way—just as Jesus did in John 13:1-20. They are spiritual fathers and mothers who pour into us. PEERS: Faithful companions who walk beside us, sharing wisdom and encouragement (Prov. 13:20). DISCIPLES: Those we invest in, the next generation we teach, guide, and serve with love (Titus 2:3-4). 🤍🌿🤍 Lord, I ask for unity among us, that we would stand as one—supporting, loving, and reflecting Your grace and truth in every step we take together. Thank You for our community and for the strength we draw from one another. I also thank You for the leaders and teachers You’ve placed in our lives, whose wisdom and guidance help us grow in faith and understanding. Father, as we walk this path together, fill us with courage and strength. But most of all, Lord, I ask that You release hope into every heart—that even though this journey has been hard, we know it’s all for a purpose. You promise to work everything together for good, and we trust You with the outcome. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Now, here's a first in about 3 decades. I think my brother will be happy to know that I have finally tried my hand at poetry again. The painting is an art class project that would have landed in the trash can had our teacher not managed to fix up the nose I had so severely messed up.

No, I'm not handling it well. God is carrying me through it...

Once again I'm reminded of Isabelle Skúlason's teaching on "Testing & Pruning" in March & oh boy, it has been intense this year.

This phrase from the Cherokee king has been spinning through my head all day since I read in the CEO report that a month's extension on my contract would be suggested. Once again, the reality hits home that good things don't last. Psalms 61:1-3 NLT [1] O God, listen to my cry! Hear my prayer! [2] From the ends of the earth, I cry to you for help when my heart is overwhelmed. Lead me to the towering rock of safety, [3] for you are my safe refuge, a fortress where my enemies cannot reach me. Grief is the most honest reflection of love. You would not feel so deeply if you did not have the capacity to love just as deeply, which is something to embrace in this world. Remember—you will love, and because of that, you will sometimes lose, but you will be infinitely better for it. ~ Bianca Sparacino Photography: Monnalisa Laïss©, Author, Artist Today, my heart feels heavy and burdened with sadness. Betrayal cuts deep—especially when it comes from those we love and trust. I open my heart willingly, even knowing there’s no guarantee it will be treated with care. Too often, sweet words serve as a soothing balm, while actions carve daggers into my back. Once again, rejection cut deep, deep wounds 💔 into my heart. I'm utterly disappointed, mostly in myself, because I perceived the wall come up and should have seen it coming. Still, I gave them the benefit of the doubt and didn't prepare myself for what would follow, and once again, the dream of a lifetime friendship has been burnt to ashes. I find comfort in the fact that God heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds. He was betrayed and rejected many times, even while on the cross, yet He chose to forgive others in that moment. Through this trauma, I have the opportunity to know Him more intimately.  So, I will choose forgiveness once more because people are human, flawed, and fallible. I’ll grieve my losses, allow myself the time to heal, and trust that from these ashes, a stronger, wiser warrior will rise—refined by this experience and ready to step forward with new strength.

I will praise You in this storm, Lord. Thank You, Lord, that I can trust You to walk with me through every disappointment. Help me take every thought captive that is not of You, Lord. The enemy is relentless & doesn't fight fair, but thank You for Your armour that protects me from every fiery dart the evil one shoots my way. The testing and pruning have been severe this year, but thank You, Lord, for being my strength when I feel inadequate, ill-equipped, and weak. Without You, I will never be good enough, but You have given me everything I need for a life of Godliness. I will overcome not by power or might but by Your Spirit. Be my strength. You give me just enough light for the step I'm on and help me trust Your guidance when I'm navigating unchartered waters.

It demands every ounce — all the love one can muster, with nothing held back or reserved for anything else. Every act of kindness, every gesture of compassion and every moment of patience—it requires all. Nothing must be saved or held back to be spent on something else. All-consuming, unwavering, and pure. Love in its entirety is what it takes. As Mother Theresa once eloquently put it: "It takes it ALL. Nothing to be held back to be spent on something else." John 15:13: "Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends." This means that the greatest love we can show for our friends is to sacrifice ourselves for them. The emphasis lies on "laying down his life" for them. That's what Jesus did for us, and as His followers, we ought to do the same. In the future, when I am long gone, I pray that people will remember me as someone who's spent everything generously and lavishly on those who needed to feel God's love with skin on. After all, it's not about us but about Him being glorified in and through our lives.

I had a very long day at the Hilton for the exhibition and Awards Gala Dinner yesterday. Elias picked me up at 6 am and then we picked up Bash. We set up the booth and spent the morning in the conference and exhibition halls. Then we spent the afternoon in the hotel lobby waiting out the day until it was time to get ready for the Gala event. This was after a touch-up in preparation for the awards gala dinner... I didn't take any photos, but managed to get a few from others. For the first time in my life, I didn't experience social anxiety facing 350 strangers in a crowded room after recognising displacement trauma to my decision not to attempt "fitting in" as the new kid on the block at the root of my anxiety on Wednesday evening. Handing over awards went plain sailing...

A few weeks ago, my brother reminded me that our stepdad would tell us to think before we spoke whenever we had something to say. However, somewhere along the line, we got stuck thinking and stopped speaking altogether.  I've spent the majority of my life withdrawn and in my head, so communication skills are one of the skills I'm going to need to focus on improving in the near future. I have finally found my voice and the courage to speak although communication doesn't come easy yet and I have to be intentional.

Thank you all for your prayers this morning. I truly felt it shift the atmosphere. During our UNashamed lesson, I've connected some important dots. The displacement trauma I experienced, having attended 13 schools and moved 30 times by the time I turned 18, has led me to spend my life as the "new kid on the block." I tried to fit into new environments but eventually chose to disconnect instead. This has resulted in social anxiety and apprehension about attending the upcoming function with 350 unfamiliar faces, especially given my responsibilities as a representative of Christ and my job. I will pray about this tomorrow and should be ready to embrace the challenge on Friday. It’s not by power or might but by God's Spirit. He has not given me a spirit of fear, but of love 💕, power 💪, and a sound mind. His strength will be revealed in my weakness.

This morning, I'm standing in need of prayer🙏 as the internal pressure is mounting in the lead-up to my work's Awards Gala Dinner on Friday night. We're pretty much on top of all the backstage stuff, but the magnitude of "Being the Beautiful Assistant" on stage as a representative of Christ & CCNNZ just hit me like a ton of bricks this morning. So what's the big deal with that, some might ask?🤔 I'm a DOER by nature. Thus, "I'm a human BEing, not a human DOing" doesn't come naturally to me. Those who know my story about "Investing in ME" may recognise the struggle. Those who don't can find it here https://youtu.be/nOcXAA7xc-g?si=5kE9ycEyZPCSNcWX I've checked off all but one item on this list. I am down to "How do I express the beauty of ME?" How hard can that be, right?🤔 For me, it seems like an insurmountable mountain. Had I not wrestled with God's promptings to invest for four years, I would have been an expert at applying makeup and being beautiful by now. But NO, I was stubborn and rebellious because I didn't want to be seen, so now I'm wrestling with the fear of messing up and being an embarrassment. Added to that, I'm beating myself up for not having responded sooner. There's this tug-of-war between the warrior inside wanting to arise from the ashes and the little girl hiding in the closet for fear of being seen and humiliated or causing shame and disappointment for others. Dang, this stronghold of shame must come down!

Fear often stands like a locked gate between our present comfort and the life God has promised. It whispers: "Stay safe, stay small, while our hearts long to step into wide-open spaces of purpose and joy." Yet the very things we pray for — deeper relationships, creative ventures, healing conversations, a new chapter of calling — often require walking straight through what scares us. Facing the Gate Fear is not merely an emotion; it is often a spiritual battleground. The enemy loves to use fear to paralyse us with "what ifs": What if I fail?🤔 What if I’m rejected?🤔 What if God doesn’t show up?🤔 These questions keep us lingering at the threshold of obedience. However, Scripture offers a different voice: 📖 “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” — 2 Timothy 1:7 (NKJV) This means courage is not something we manufacture; it is a gift God already planted within us. Fear may roar, but it does not own the keys. Two Roads: Run or Rise Fear presents a fork in the path. One road is familiar yet shrinking. The other is steep but bright with promise. The choice is stark: Fear Everything and Run or Face Everything and Rise. Fear Everything and Run is the instinct to retreat, to avoid hard conversations, to silence dreams. It feels like self-protection, yet it quietly imprisons. Running may soothe for a moment, but leaves the heart restless and unfulfilled. 📖 “The fear of man brings a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord shall be safe.” — Proverbs 29:25 (NKJV) Face Everything and Rise is the way of trust. It is not the absence of trembling but the decision to walk forward with God in the midst of it. Like David striding toward Goliath or Esther entering the king’s court, courage is not bravado; it is obedience anchored in love. 📖 “Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” — Joshua 1:9 (NKJV) Walking Through with Faith Every step of faith begins with a choice. We may still feel afraid, yet we move because trust is stronger than terror. Think of Peter stepping out of the boat, Esther approaching the king, or Mary saying yes to an impossible call. Each could have stayed hidden. Instead, they discovered that miracles waited in the unknown. When we dare to cross the line fear draws, creativity blossoms, friendships deepen, and healing flows. Fear is loud at first, then quiet as we walk. What we dreaded becomes the very testimony of God’s faithfulness. Living the Other Side To live “on the other side of fear” is not a one-time victory but a daily rhythm of surrender. Invite the Holy Spirit to reveal hidden anxieties. Breathe in His peace. Speak His promises aloud. Replace every “what if” with “even if.” Step by step, fear loses its authority. 📖 “Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” — Joshua 1:9 (NKJV)  💡Reflection: Where is fear trying to hold you back today?🤔 Where is God inviting you to rise instead of run?🤔 Write down one step you can take — however small — to move forward in faith.  🙌Prayer: Lord Jesus, thank You that perfect love casts out fear. Help me to recognise where I have settled for safety instead of obedience. Fill me with Your courage, and lead me into the wide-open life You have prepared. Amen.

I finally invested in make-up & now I have 3 days left to learn to use it for Friday's awards gala dinner. Had I not resisted God's promptings to invest for 4 the last years, I would have been an expert by now, but NO, Patrizia was stubborn & rebellious, so now I'm having to learn the hard way. Unfortunately, repentance doesn't remove the consequences of disobedience.

Everytime I think I'm done with my invest list, I hear the Lord say: "Wait, there's more." How much more I wonder. I thought I'd checked it all off now but no, apparently having worn make-up at our wedding vow renewals, was not enough. I had to INVEST, since at this point in time I didn't own any. So, with Ester's help, and just over $300 later, I checked off another item on my 4-year-old "Invest" list today. And we had loads of fun doing it whilst she got to try out the products on my face. Now I'm down to the last one: "How do I express the beauty of me?"

This week, I had the joy of posting the remaining invitations. It might seem like a small task to some, but for me, it was a pleasure—because servanthood is in my spirit. Helping and supporting others is part of who I am. It energises me. It reminds me why I’m here. “Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant.” – Matthew 20:26 (NIV) I also saw your message about the minutes—no, it didn’t upset me at all. I simply hadn’t had the chance to respond. I’ve been focused on the awards and, truthfully, haven’t touched work since I got home. I’ve been trying to be intentional about drawing boundaries and leaving work at the office—unless it’s urgent. I’ll tidy that up tomorrow. But can I be honest? What really tugged at my heart wasn’t the work—it was watching you crack under the pressure. And not being able to help. I could see the stress building, the weight on your shoulders. And even though I’m relieved to see some of that pressure lifting now, the way it played out left an impression. You reminded me of some of my past bosses—ones who led with intensity and frustration. A few years ago, I probably would’ve shrunk in fear. But healing has taught me that anger is almost always a secondary emotion. Anger often masks grief. Or frustration. Fear. Overwhelm. Wounds we haven’t yet addressed. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” – Proverbs 15:1 (NIV) If that anger had a voice—what would it say? This week, the burden I’ve carried has gone far deeper than any task or responsibility. I’ve witnessed reactions that grieve the heart of God—not because He’s angry, but because He longs to heal us. To soften those places so we can respond, not from hurt or pressure, but from wholeness and love. As your sister in Christ, I want to gently encourage you: make time to pursue your healing. “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” – Psalm 147:3 (NIV) When we don’t, God—out of His great love—will sometimes allow our structures, systems, and plans to stretch beyond their limits. Not to punish us, but to bring us to the end of ourselves, so we turn back to Him. That’s burnout. And it’s not something I want anyone to experience the way I did. So, what could work better for us in the future? It’s simple—let me do what I’m called to do. Not just for the organisation, but for you. I’m here to help. I want to carry the load with you, not just behind you. Saturday’s workshop was a turning point for me. I walked in thinking I had unresolved wounding. But what I found instead was identity—a clearer picture of who God created me to be. I’m a Doer, a Responder, a Producer, and a Shaper. My spiritual gifts are service, mercy, generosity, administration, and exhortation. “We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us.” – Romans 12:6 (NIV) For years, the enemy twisted those gifts into people-pleasing and performance. But those lies have been crucified with Christ. What’s left is a servant heart led by grace and excellence—not perfection. “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.” – Galatians 5:1 (NIV) This is where I thrive. This is how I serve. I haven’t had time to write my “UGLY” yet (Unhealed, Gifted, Loved You), but I’ve attached my Life Languages notes if you’d like to take a look. I would’ve shared them sooner, but truthfully, the emotional climate wasn’t safe at the time. Still, I extend grace. I forgive. I move forward in love. Because I believe with all my heart: there is a new level of influence waiting for you—on the other side of healing. Not one built on striving, but on surrender. Not led by stress, but by Spirit. Let’s not just serve together—let’s heal together too. Reflection & Prayer Take a moment to pause and consider: Where have I allowed stress      to lead instead of the Spirit? What emotions have I buried      under frustration or anger? Is there a part of me crying      out for healing? Let’s pray: Father God, thank You for Your endless patience and love. Thank You for calling us into deeper healing, not just for ourselves, but for those we walk with. Reveal the places in us where we’ve been carrying pressure alone. Help us to surrender, to trust, and to rest in the truth that You are our healer and strength. Teach us to walk in our true identity, unshackled by performance or fear. Let our service be a reflection of Your grace and not our striving. In Jesus' name, Amen. Let me know if you'd like a version of this formatted for a devotional, a spoken message, or social media snippets.

For those who've been wondering about the photoshoot photos? 🤔 Honestly, I still prefer to be on the other side of the camera. Sitting down on the other side of the camera, anticipating the photoshoot, left me feeling quite awkward. I'm usually the one taking the photos and am quite happy having it that way. So much so that in 2007, after Oma Else died and I had a conversation with my cousin whom I hadn't seen in 34 years, I couldn't provide him with a recent photo of me because I had none. I've become more intentional about doing these things, and I'm growing more confident. Yet I'm still uncomfortable with dressing up, makeup, and posing, but I'm celebrating small victories and trusting God's plan to help me as I learn to fully embrace my femininity. I'm reminded again of Sandra's word to me during prayer ministry on 4 June 2020. Now that it's mostly checked off, I'm still working on that last point, which is the hardest for someone who prefers to hide. The Lord wants you to invest in you personally. You're not a waste of time, money & effort. What would that look like? Take time to discover what fills your creative well. ✔️ New haircut?✔️ New dress?✔️I had to invest in a whole new wardrobe because I didn't own any dresses. Take the time & money you      need for qualifications?✔️ How can l express the beauty of ME?" I've come a long way... BUT God's not finished with me yet. I constantly have to remind myself it's a process, not a race or instant fix... next week, I have to add heels 👠 for a gala dinner 🍽 😏💃

Bathroom "selfie"... when your buddy pops in at your office on short notice to "fix up" your face for a photo shoot. It's not a look you'll see all that often, so don't expect it as a regular occurrence. At this stage dresses are still reserved for Sunday morning worship team. I have not yet fully embraced them for everyday attire. As for make-up, yeah God's still working on that and we'll see soon enough how long it takes before that becomes a regular occurence. I’m incredibly grateful for the friends and community that the Lord has placed in my life recently. I wouldn't have been able to navigate all the ups and downs I've experienced without them. Thanks to my friend, Ester Kanaway, for popping in at the drop of a hat to make me more presentable for the company photos. You're the definition of a true friend. I'm told I looked at $1,000,000 today & couldn't have done it without her.