For more than 3 decades, whenever I questioned my purpose, this scripture & song would pop into my head. However, due to my own brokenness, I've carried the added guilt & shame of not acting upon what's been on my heart until my path crossed with Elijah House Prayer Ministries 2 years ago. I have since experienced phenomenal restoration & broken down many strongholds. BUT God is not finished with me yet.

When Kevin prayed over me at B-School, his words painted a vision that felt both beautiful and weighty. Father, thank You for Trixi & thank You for the journey she's given such expression to. I see railway tracks, & I just believe that the Lord is untethering you from things that have held you. You've got such potential & a particular, clear path. I see mountains & I see forests. I see you riding through the open plains, & along the ocean sides. You're a train & the Word of the Lord is that He's the engine & He's got you in there but you're the train & you're carrying many people with you — all along are the carriages. That’s such a powerful prophetic image — a visual of motion, purpose, and divine companionship. The train in my painting, journeying through mountains, forests, and alongside the water, beautifully mirrors Kevin’s word: the Lord as the Engine — the driving force — while I, as the train, carry many hearts along a path only He could design. As I reflect on his words, could there still be unresolved areas of wounding or unbelieving parts of my heart keeping me stuck? 🤔 That’s such a holy and honest question. Often, when we sense delay or resistance on the journey, it’s not punishment or failure — it’s invitation. The Lord gently reveals areas that need His healing touch, not to shame us, but to free us for greater movement. Sometimes the “stuckness” isn’t about what’s wrong, but about what’s ready to be redeemed. The landscape in this painting tells its own story: the mountains represent past obstacles and triumphs, the forest speaks of mystery and growth, the open plains of freedom, and the ocean of depth and vastness. Each terrain carries a story — and sometimes the train slows down not because the Engine isn’t powerful, but because the terrain requires care. Maybe there are tunnels being cleared, tracks being straightened, or carriages being reconnected. 📖 “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” — Psalm 139:23–24 (NIV) When I invite the Holy Spirit to illuminate those “unbelieving” or wounded parts, He never condemns — He heals. The Lord delights in my willingness to look within; it’s evidence that I’m already being untethered from what once held me. 💡 Reflection: • What “carriage” in your life might need reconnection or repair for the journey ahead? 🤔 • Where might your heart still be protecting itself from disappointment or loss, instead of trusting God’s timing? 🤔 • How is the Lord inviting you to see your waiting not as delay, but as preparation? 🤔 🎺 Affirmation: I am being untethered from old wounds and false beliefs. The Lord, my Engine, is faithful to carry me forward. My story is not stuck — it is in motion, being written by grace. 🙌 Prayer: Father, thank You that You are the Engine of my life — the One who knows every mountain, forest, and sea I will cross. Where there are still unhealed places in my heart, meet me with Your kindness. Where unbelief lingers, replace it with faith. Help me trust the pace and direction of Your journey for me. May every carriage I carry — every person, purpose, and promise — move in harmony with Your Spirit. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

The moment Ofelia began to speak to me at my Elijah House B-School graduation, it felt like heaven leaned in. She described a downpour, not of storm or sorrow, but of healing. Gentle rain — the kind that kisses dry earth and awakens buried seeds — began to fall over me in her vision. Every word she spoke felt like a washing, a quiet confirmation from the Father's heart: "The drought is finished."

I just heard the word: Wonder, Sandee said to me at my Elijah House B-School graduation. Simple. Weighty. Like a feather falling gently from heaven — seemingly light, yet saturated with glory. Sandee didn’t elaborate much that day, and honestly, she didn’t need to. The Holy Spirit etched that one word into my spirit like a golden thread woven through the fabric of my journey. Wonder...

There’s a moment in every healing journey when you realise the train is no longer tied to the station. The tethers of your past — shame, fear, and heartbreak — begin to loosen, and the whistle of heaven calls you forward. Kevin’s word of knowledge to me at my Elijah House B-School graduation was such a moment. It painted a picture I can still see with my spirit's eye: railway tracks stretching across God-breathed landscapes. Mountains that once loomed with impossibility now echo with promise. Forests once dense with confusion now whisper clarity. The open plains and ocean sides… oh, how they speak of freedom.

I've pulled through my hardest trigger season yet & am still standing because God added some awesome people to my life in the last few weeks. Being able to go to church in-person for the last 3 weeks, has also made a huge difference. There's a very good reason why Scripture teaches us not to neglect the gathering of the saints. We are so much stronger TOGETHER. There's joy in the house of the Lord. Today I celebrate 3 years walking in victory. A few weeks ago I seriously thought I wasn't going to make it this time BUT once again God has intervened. I woke up on old year's eve & just felt different. I can't really explain it but was as if the feelings of overwhelm, heaviness & displacement of the last 4 months had just been "switched off" overnight. Our home group leader's wife said on Thursday that she could see a difference since we started attending on 12 December but then again these 6 weeks of weekly worship, Scripture discussions & fellowship have been instrumental in this breakthrough. Being loved back to life only happens in the context of living & being able to serve each other in a community. What the enemy meant for evil God has once again used for good.

📖 “He has sent Me to heal the broken-hearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives…” — Isaiah 61:1 (NKJV) 2021 was a year of holy unravelling. What began as confusion and grief slowly became the sacred ground where I discovered the heart of God again — not in the noise of religion or politics, but in the stillness of His presence. A Year that Tested Love and Conviction The months of restriction and division tore deep into my spirit. Watching families, churches, and communities fracture over “passports” and fear reopened the wounds of my past — the generational shame of the Holocaust, the trauma of apartheid, and the sting of rejection I thought long healed. It was as if the injustices of history were repeating themselves under a different name. My heart wept for those being excluded, for churches turning people away when Jesus had said, “Come unto Me, ALL…” (Matthew 11:28). I felt the weight of silence — the same silence that once allowed evil to thrive. That grief found voice in pieces like “A Stand Against Division” and “Silence in the Face of Evil.” Yet even there, the Holy Spirit reminded me that obedience to truth is an act of love. Visions, Paintings, and the Language of Healing Through art, the Lord became my counsellor. Paintings such as “Power in the Blood of Jesus”, “Anointed to Heal the Brokenhearted,” and “The Cry Beneath the Colours” became my prayers in paint — expressions of intercession, lament, and redemption. In “A New Song in My Soul,” Jesus showed me a vision of a scratched CD being replaced — a picture of Him freeing me from the repetitive lies of unworthiness and shame. In “Take a Leap of Faith,” the skydiver became a symbol of trust — a reminder that courage isn’t the absence of fear but the willingness to jump into the unknown held by His grace. Each artwork, from “Knit Together with Love” to “Finding Refuge in the Cave,” was another step in healing — a kintsugi of the soul. Through broken pottery and flowing water, gold and crimson hues, I rediscovered that beauty is born through surrender. When Faith Became Personal Again 2021 stripped away the structures that once defined “church” and brought me face to face with Jesus Himself — the One who never turns anyone away. In my isolation, I found intimacy. In my tears, I heard His whisper: “Give Me your old song, and I will give you a new one.” Through online Healing Rooms, divine friendships, and the faithful prayers of intercessors, I began to taste freedom again. Anger turned to compassion. Division birthed intercession. What the enemy meant for evil, God truly began to use for good — turning the curse into a blessing (Nehemiah 13:2, Romans 8:28). Redeemed Time and Restored Purpose The Lord redeemed time in surprising ways — reconnecting me with spiritual parents I hadn’t spoken to in decades, stirring memories of grace that had lain dormant, and reminding me that none of my pain was wasted. Conversations with Oom Leon and words from those who saw me as a “beloved royal daughter” rekindled courage to keep standing for truth with love. In every painting, every tear, every journal entry, the refrain of the year echoed: “He makes all things new.” A Prayer for the Year Ahead Lord Jesus, Thank You for holding me when everything around me shook. Thank You for using brokenness as the brushstroke of Your glory. Teach me to carry truth with tenderness, conviction with compassion, and faith without fear. Let my art, words, and life become vessels of Your healing love to a world in need. In Jesus’ Name, Amen. 💡Reflection: 2021 will always be remembered as the year my heart broke — and began to heal. The year when silence became a song, pain became paint, and wounds became wells of living water. Through every fracture, the golden thread of grace held me fast. Because Jesus never wastes suffering. He turns curses into blessings, ashes into beauty, and division into deeper dependence on Him.

After messaging an intercessor friend over my massive heart-break with the church we called home, implementing CV passports & thus condoning exclusion, discrimination, apartheid & segregation, she set me up with a Healing rooms prayer meeting via zoom. The session started with each of the intercessors sharing a word of wisdom they had received during prayer before I entered the room.  This was the 2nd intercessor's vision: I see a very old style CD Player, stuck in a groove, it keeps repeating. Then I see Jesus saying: "give it to me and I'll give you a new CD." You've been hearing & listening to the same old lies over & over. It's time to bring those lies to Jesus so He can replace them with God's Truth. With the manipulation, coercion & blackmail  for 💉 I was triggered back into the trauma & shame of the generational curse from the holocaust based on my birth in Germany as well as the blame & shame caused by apartheid in South Africa where I was raised. I had carried blame & shame that wasn't mine to carry, all my life & it was time to bring it to the cross.  I heard: "It's all your fault." but truth is, I had nothing to do with either of these incidences. The blame & shame is not mine to carry. I'm not responsible.  Having stood up against the injustice of apartheid & discrimination all my life, I ain't stopping now.

After messaging an intercessor friend over my massive heart-break with the church we called home, implementing CV passports & thus condoning exclusion, discrimination, apartheid & segregation, she set me up with a Healing rooms prayer meeting via zoom. The session started with each of the intercessors sharing a word of wisdom they had received during prayer before I entered the room.  This was the 1st vision Heaviness, some physical problem manifested in the spiritual realm that is holding on to something, anger or unforgiveness. Spring water is pouring out onto this person spiritual cleansing that will bring healing and joy. What the enemy meant for evil God is using for good... In Nehemiah 13, we read of Nehemiah’s final reforms. They read from the ‘Book of Moses’ (v.1) how ‘Our God… turned the curse into a blessing’ (v.2). This is the pattern throughout the Bible. ‘In all things God works for the good of those who love him’ (Romans 8:28). What you are facing in your life right now may seem like a curse – a health issue, a battle in a relationship, a difficult boss, or whatever. It may seem like a curse but God can turn the curse into a blessing.

After messaging an intercessor friend over my massive heart-break with the church we called home, implementing CV passports & thus condoning exclusion, discrimination, apartheid & segregation, she set me up with a Healing rooms prayer meeting via zoom. The session started with each of the intercessors sharing a word of wisdom they had received during prayer before I entered the room.  This was the 3nd intercessor's vision: I see a  skydiver jumping out of an airplane, speaks to me of this person  needing to take a leap of faith, trusting in the Lord. 2 Timothy 1:7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

A quick digital painting based on a vision received from a prayer partner on on of our Tuesday morning prayer meetings a couple of months ago. When life seems uphill & you're wondering how much further you can go, look back & see how far you've already come.

"This is how I felt after the reality of this morning's announcement hit home. Medical apartheid is officially being rung in by our authorities. My heart aches for the injustices millions are suffering at the hands of our ""single source of truth"" authorities tyrannical measures to force an experimental 💉 on the whole nation. I stand for God-given freedom of CHOICE. We're effectively being held hostage until 90% 💉 is reached😡🤯💔 BUT God... nothing can separate me from His love." Psalm 42:5 "Why art thou cast down, O my soul? And why art thou disquieted in me? Hope thou in God: For I shall yet praise him For the help of his countenance."

Ezekiel 11:19 KJV And I will give them one heart, and I will put a new spirit within you; and I will take the stony heart out of their flesh, and will give them an heart of flesh: Well over 3 decades ago I received this scripture as part of a prophesy by an American preacher who was visiting our church. At the time I thought it was related to the promise included in his prophesy that God would restore my family & He would turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers Malachi 4:6 KJV However, recently I realised that word was for me... I have a heart of stone resulting from decades of self protection... By the time I was 6, we had already moved at least 4 times & when we migrated to South Africa I lost everyone I knew. Many more moves & being the "new kid" in class for 12 different schools followed. With only snail mail available back then all connections were lost so I decided not to make friends, because friendships don't last. I built walls around my heart, hardened my heart, disconnected & shut people out. The heart of stone is formed as a protection & is by nature private. Healing it cannot be done alone. It needs to be resurrected. It is not melted by authority, but rather by the love of Jesus. We must be ambassadors of that love. We cannot heal the heart of stone by ourselves. We need people to journey with us. The heart of stone must be loved back to life by God THROUGH His people. It must be healed corporately, by the Body of Christ. The process of healing is apt to be slow/progressive, like peeling an onion. People help bring hearts to life. Appropriate & intentional touching & hugging is required. Loving prayers spoken to reach the heart of the inner child. Truthful friends Practice confession of sins & weaknesses. Help build loving support through family, church & small groups. Honour the heart. Put in new ways of protection. Guarding your heart in the RIGHT way is turning to God. And herein now lies my purpose: being an ambassador for Christ & loving people back to life.

In July 2021, A-School taught me that when we are wounded, we come to expect people will hurt us again & can't be trusted. We make judgements about people & subsequently inner vows to protect our hearts from being wounded in a similar way again. When we judge others, we doom ourselves to do the same thing. We harden our hearts & shut others out. This sets up for a cycle of reaping from the seeds we've sown. Often we reap the judgement & consequences of dishonouring parents. I learnt that when we dishonour our parents by judging them for hurting/neglecting us, we will become like what we judged & that marriage & children create the perfect environment for these seeds to germinate & grow. As a little girl, I had hardened my heart & shut people out because keeping them at a distance makes rejection & abandonment les painful, or so I thought. When I became cold, distant & emotionally unavailable to name just a few aspects where my bitter root judgements, expectations & inner vows I had made even before birth had set me up for some serious reaping.  Every single lesson had moments of realisation when I would think "oh dear, that's me, I became what I judged & did that to my family..." but also how God has healed & restored the areas I’ve brought to effective death at the cross. I discovered I am performance orientated & constantly keep falling back into striving to earn love by performing. We often live unaware that motives other than God’s love have begun to corrupt our serving through striving, tension & fear. I also learnt that we see God through our trauma-tainted glasses & relate to Him according to our judgements, expectations & inner vows. As a tiny girl, my basic trust had been shattered still find myself wondering “Can I really trust Him?”

I received an email from the lady who interceded whilst I was receiving prayer after intercessor training because I had been severely triggered by the lesson.  "I had an image come to me of a ‘cloud’ of cotton wool being wrapped around you, and felt the Lord was saying He is wrapping you in cotton wool.    There is a saying that an ‘over-protective parent wraps their child in cotton wool’ and is often considered a negative thing, but in this case it was definitely a positive thing.   Your Heavenly Father, like an over-protective parent is wrapping you, his beloved child, with His protection. Except that God is ‘perfectly-protective’!   Be encouraged to know your Father loves you, and loves to protect you. May you relax into His loving arms, find rest in His wrap-around embrace, and be at peace as He holds you close." Isaiah 61:10 I greatly rejoice in the Lord, I exult in my God; for He has clothed me with the garments of salvation and wrapped me in a robe of righteousness, as a groom wears a turban and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels. My first attempt in my journal was rather disappointing so I tried again this time using my tablet & Infinite Painter app.

On Tuesday, during A-School group prayer ministry with Duncan, Louise, Rina, Kylie, Otto, Elschen, and me, the Lord began something gentle and profound. He spoke to me about my names again as He did at the Loved, Chosen and Free seminar two months ago. Mom was going to call me Elisabeth — promise of God, but Oma Else insisted she give me a "decent" name because all females in the previous generation were Elisabeth. She then  decided to call Patrizia — of noble birth, daughter of God. I vaguely remember some of my relatives calling me Trixi — bringer of joy. However, all my life, I'd hated my names. When God speaks about a name, He is not making small talk. He is establishing covenant identity. 📖 "So they shall put My name on the children of Israel, and I will bless them." — Numbers 6:27 (NKJV) There had been a wound in my heart, a disconnect too heavy for a child to carry. I had judged my parents as cold, distant, and unkind. I believed my mother’s rejection meant I was unwanted, unplanned, unseen. I dishonoured my brother in my own pain and withdrew from memory, as if forgetting could protect me. The fruit of those judgements unfolded quietly over years: depression, suicidal thoughts, self-rejection. I could not answer questions about myself. I could not speak up for myself. I felt unheard. Large portions of childhood felt inaccessible. I defined love as time spent, and where time was absent, I concluded I was not valuable. Inner vows formed in the silence: "I am not valuable. I am a mistake." Those vows shaped how I saw myself, how I interpreted silence, how I stood or failed to stand. Yet truth entered the room. "You are worthy. You are valued." The Lord invited me to honour my parents for the gift of life, even where pain had lived. Honour did not deny wounds. It simply released judgment from my hands and returned authority to God. The lie lost its power. These things no longer have power over you — no power. In prayer, the Holy Spirit spoke tenderly to the unborn child within my story: "It’s going to be OK." That whisper reached back through time. It reached into the places where I had decided I was a mistake and rewrote the narrative with covenant belonging. This was not self-esteem work. It was identity restoration. When God places His Name upon you, He defines you. During that same ministry time, the Lord added images that felt almost too tender to hold. Kyla saw me coming through the birth canal toward light, and there were three voices waiting. She heard them say, "Oh, isn’t she beautiful?" Duncan saw the same beginning moment, yet with a holy reversal. Instead of hands of uncertainty, he saw God Himself holding me first as I was born. Rina saw me wrapped completely in God’s love. Where I had believed my arrival carried an atmosphere of "oh no," heaven revealed a different reception. Beauty. Delight. Belonging. Held before handled. Wrapped before judged. The lie said I was a mistake. Heaven announced I was welcomed. These visions did not romanticise pain. They restored origin. They spoke into the very doorway of life and declared that my first true covering was not rejection, but the Father’s embrace. Identity restoration often begins at the place of entry. If the enemy can distort our arrival, he can destabilise our belonging. Yet God is not late to birth stories. He stands at the threshold and speaks truth over beginnings. 💡Reflection: What names, labels, or judgments have shaped how you see yourself?🤔 Have you made any inner vows about your worth or value?🤔 What would it mean to honour your parents for the gift of life while still acknowledging your pain?🤔 Where might the Lord be inviting you to receive a new covenant identity?🤔 🙌🏻Closing Prayer: Father, thank You that my name is not defined by rejection, silence, or misunderstanding. Thank You that You place Your Name upon me and call me daughter. I repent of judgments I have held and vows I have made against myself. I release dishonour and receive truth. Speak Your covenant identity over every hidden place in my heart. Restore memory where it is safe, restore voice where it was silenced, restore worth where lies once lived. In Jesus’ Name, Amen. You were never a mistake. You were named by God before you were understood by people. What He speaks over you carries greater authority than what was withheld from you.

My lifelong struggle has been feeling rejected, abandoned, unloved & not belonging here. During healing prayer ministry session at healing prayer training, the Holy Spirit took me back into the womb & dealt with the root of those feelings. This was a confirmation received by means of a vision one of the intercessors had.means of a vision one of the intercessors had. Jeremiah 31:3 The LORD hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with loving kindness have I drawn thee.

I received prayer ministry during healing prayer ministry training recently. This painting is based on a word received as confirmation that I am welcome in this world. God was there at birth, held me first & covered me with love. Romans 8:14-17 14For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God. 15For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. 16The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God: 17and if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together.

I know you said you're F.I.N.E. (okay), but truly — how are you when the day concludes and the lights dim? When the world ceases its demands, and there's no one left to persuade that you're managing everything perfectly. How do you feel when you're lying in bed, surrounded by the silence that knows too much? When the solitude that disregards how many people care for you sneaks in regardless. Do you still bear the burden of things you promised to release? The things you no longer discuss. Do your bills acknowledge your dreams? The ones you tucked away in a drawer because the world had no room for them. Or have they also learned to remain silent—just like you? And your job… does it satisfy you, or merely occupy the hours? Is it your passion, or just enough distraction to silence the questions your heart persistently asks—the ones you can't answer? And tell me, has anyone stayed long enough to show that not everyone departs? Or have you learned to keep your bags ready, just in case? How are you now that you've mastered the art of getting by but forgotten how to genuinely live? I know you said you're F.I.N.E. (okay). But are you, truly?

Earlier this month, Clive and I attended the Loved, Chosen & Free Seminar, a one-day event focused on healing from shame. The first session began with a worksheet designed to help us identify shame strongholds. We were asked to rate each of the 36 items with responses like "Never," "Seldom," or "Painfully So." To my deep shame, I found that almost all of the statements resonated with me under the "Painfully So" category, indicating that my whole life was shame-based. Later in the day, we explored the concept of foundational lies, and I realized that one of the core lies I had internalized for years was: "I am a mistake." During a live prayer demonstration with Sandra, I found myself at the front, facing the deep-rooted false belief that had shaped my identity for so long. As part of the prayer process, Sandra asked me if "Trixi" was my real name, and I had to admit to Patrizia that it wasn’t. Over lunch, a woman approached me with an excited expression and said, "Trixi, you need to reclaim your name. Do you know what it means?" When I responded that I didn’t, she eagerly shared, "It means 'of noble birth,' and Trixi means 'bringer of joy.'" This revelation was deeply significant. As I shared in my earlier testimony, the attack on my identity began even before birth, and not fully embracing my name and its true meaning had been a part of that ongoing struggle. This moment was a pivotal step in reclaiming my identity and beginning to heal from the shame that had long defined me.