Today, I really wish I didn’t care so deeply for people who seem so indifferent to my love. I wish I could just flick a switch and detach myself, protect my heart, and stop pouring so much of my emotional energy into those who don’t seem to notice — or worse, don’t seem to care.

I spent the entire day tangled up in worry over Jesse. He didn’t come home last night. Then, when he said he’d be back by a certain time, that didn’t happen either. No explanation. No message. Just silence. Zane, of course, brushes it off — says Jesse is “very responsible,” especially compared to what he himself was like at that age. That’s fine and well for him to say. But it doesn’t still the storm inside me. It doesn’t quiet the fear, the tightness in my chest, or the knot of anxiety that keeps growing. Jesse is just “enjoying his newfound freedom,” they say. But to me, it feels like watching someone dance at the edge of a cliff — oblivious to the danger, while I stand on the sidelines, holding my breath and bracing for the fall.

And Clive? He’s no comfort either. “He’s an adult now,” he says. “You have to let him go.” But I beg to differ. Nineteen may be technically an adult, but it’s also dangerously close to reckless. So many life-altering mistakes can be made in moments of impulse. It terrifies me. Because I see the potential for a future derailed — not by malice, but by sheer youthful ignorance. And it breaks my heart that I seem to be the only one who feels the weight of that.

Right now, I feel completely stretched thin — emotionally frayed and barely holding on. If I could, I’d crawl into some quiet, hidden corner, curl up into myself, and just cry until there was nothing left. But even that feels forbidden. That memory still lingers — the shame of it, the sting. Having my head shoved under cold water because I dared to cry. Because I dared to feel. That wound still hasn’t healed.

So here I am. Full of unspoken rage. Frustration. Pain. Loneliness. I’m tired of always being the one who feels too much, while everyone else floats above the mess. I don’t want to be the strong one today. I just want to be seen. Heard. Held.