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This is my Story
An Ongoing Journey of Overcoming Adversities of Life
I can't remember how many times I've shared my testimony with someone in the hopes of encouraging them, only to be told, "You should write a book!" However, that's not yet an area I've got the courage to venture into, so I'll share my journey here as I go along... Please note that I don't share my story to dishonour, blame, or shame those who have wounded me in any way but merely to expose how my own sinful responses towards what happened caused me to remain stuck in the trauma of the events in the hope that my testimony will bring hope to those who are struggling with the same issues. It's inevitable that offence will come in life, but whether we respond to it in a godly or ungodly way is entirely our choice. What happened to us as children was not our fault, but what we do now, what we think, how we dress, where we go, who we go with, and what we touch, who we touch & who touches us is our full responsibility! God has given us a rule book, the Bible, to tell us how to win at life. Jesus came to heal the broken-hearted & bind up their wounds. He came to set the captives free. Healing & restoration also come by confessing to one another James 5:16. We are wounded in relationships, but we also heal in relationships. Having confessed, we need to receive forgiveness and let it clean. 'But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ, His Son, cleanses us from all sin.' I John 1:7 Although the Blood cleanses us, it is not the task of the Blood alone to heal but the fellowship with one another that brings healing & restoration. We need to be restored to the fellowship of our fellow citizens. Only their acceptance & embrace can heal years of suffering & ostracism. That is, after all, how we experience God's love. Knowledge will never override experience. You can tell me you love me until you're blue in the face, but because of my lifetime experiences of abandonment & rejection, I will never believe you unless I experience it through your actions. I share my story so that others may find hope in knowing that if God did this for me, He will do it again for them, too. This is how we OVERCOME: And they overcame and conquered him because of the blood of the Lamb and because of the word of their testimony, for they did not love their life and renounce their faith even when faced with death. Revelation 12:11
Seen, Even When Overlooked
A reflection on worth, transformation, and the beauty they didn’t see
Three years ago today, I closed a sacred chapter — completing Elijah House D-School, the last of what Clive lovingly called my “Alphabet Schools.” It was a quiet victory. No fanfare, just a sense of holy fulfilment as I checked off “study” on my INVEST list. At the time, I didn’t realise that every other item on that list would be marked complete in the years to follow. God was already finishing what He began.
22. Juli 2025 um 09:26:00
Three Years Since D-School
Marking the Close of the Alphabet & the Opening of a Deeper Rest
Three years ago today, I quietly completed Elijah House D-School — the last of what Clive affectionately calls my “Alphabet Schools.” With it, I ticked off “study” on my INVEST list, thinking it was the final tick of that box. What I didn’t realise was that each of those INVEST priorities would be visited, shaped, and refined in God’s perfect timing. Three years on, every one of them is now checked off — not in striving, but in surrender.
22. Juli 2025 um 09:04:00
Heart Surgery and Holy Rest
Exhausted but held in the sacred space between emotion and identity
Tonight, I feel the kind of exhaustion that sinks into your bones — not from busyness, but from deep soul work. Prayer ministry can sometimes feel like spiritual heart surgery — holy, raw, necessary. Today was one of those days.
21. Juli 2025 um 10:08:00
Faithful in Little
The Art of Showing Up for the Ones He Loves
There are days when showing up feels like planting seeds in dry soil. Quiet, unnoticed, almost thankless. This weekend was one of those days. I had five signed up. Not ten. Not twenty. Just five. I packed double anyway just because I didn’t want to be caught ill-prepared. And wouldn’t you know, a few more came. So I set up again.
As with previous events with little or no sign-ups, I could have cancelled. I could have rescheduled, but I showed up and there in that humble room — plastic tablecloths, palettes of paint, hearts quietly opening the Holy Spirit moved.
21. Juli 2025 um 06:55:00
Emotional Self Management
Navigating Triggers, Fear & Self-Sabotage
Tonight there's a weariness in my spirit — and I honour the tenderness it takes to show up for healing, even when it aches.
Prayer ministry days can feel like soul-surgery. Gentle, holy, and yet raw. The kind of raw that stirs deep things we thought were buried. Old vows whispered in childhood shadows. Protective walls built in panic. That inner child still trying to earn safety by being perfect, pleasing, or invisible. And when those layers are pierced — lovingly — by Holy Spirit’s light, it’s no wonder we feel undone.
21. Juli 2025 um 04:46:00
Flag Dance of Freedom
A Soul Awakening into Purpose and Praise
I woke up from a dream wrapped in golden light and movement — a vision of me leading a procession in flag dancing. I was wearing a flowing white dress, the kind that breathes like worship, and my hands held large, gold flags that shimmered with every motion. Before me stood a crowd of all ages, their eyes not fixed on me but lifted toward something greater. Somehow, I knew in my spirit — this was not performance; this was prophecy. A declaration. A holy dance of deliverance.
My heart stirred awake with this phrase echoing deep within: This is the day the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it.
18. Juli 2025 um 19:30:00
The Masterpiece That Saved Me
Art as Healing Masterpiece
There’s a billboard I came across recently. It said:
“If your art helped you survive something… it’s already a masterpiece.”
And I paused. Held my breath. Let the truth of it settle in my chest like a long-lost friend. Because I know exactly what that means.
18. Juli 2025 um 11:21:00
When the Roar Feels Far Away
A tender reflection on failure, heaviness, and being held in the quiet hush between tears
Oh, how this image speaks straight to the soul — the tender truth of seeing ourselves through heaven’s eyes rather than through the lens of our own insecurities.
“There may be times in your life where you feel like the ordinary house cat…”Isn’t that just how it feels some days? Small. Insignificant. Overlooked. We see ourselves through the lens of past failures or whispered lies that tell us we're not enough. But when the Holy Spirit holds up the mirror, it doesn’t reflect our weakness — it reveals our identity.
15. Juli 2025 um 07:30:00
A Week of Blunders and the Whisper of Self-Sabotage
When failure rattles the soul, healing begins in the pause
This past week at Elijah House A-School was unlike any I’ve ever served before in my past 3 years of serving. Sandee phoned on Monday to check if I was coming to serve on the sound desk, which caught me a little off guard — I’d always scheduled my life around these schools. I thought she knew that because I told her in January. She shared a few expectations, and I received them with understanding. After all, growth often asks more of us
15. Juli 2025 um 05:48:00
Dreaming of Safety
When your deepest longing isn’t for success, but for peace.
Nobody tells you how growing up in a dysfunctional family shapes the way you dream.
You don’t grow up picturing red carpets or corner offices.
You dream of mornings without tension.
Of a kitchen where laughter isn’t forced, and footsteps don’t echo with fear.
You dream of a dinner table where nobody walks on eggshells… where silence doesn’t mean punishment, and love doesn’t have to be earned.
14. Juli 2025 um 09:48:00
Called to Be Light
When your presence exposes shadows, remember Who placed the flame within you.
There is a quiet ache in many of us — the longing to be liked, to belong, to be understood. It’s human, tender, and sometimes rooted in old wounds where rejection once left its mark. Yet, the deeper call upon our lives is not comfort, but courage. Not popularity, but purpose.
God didn’t call you to be liked. He called you to be light.
And light, by its very nature, disrupts darkness. It reveals what’s hidden. It awakens sleeping hearts. It can sting tired eyes that have grown used to shadows. So don’t be surprised when your presence makes others uncomfortable — not because you are unkind, but because His light in you is unmistakable.
📖 "You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden." — Matthew 5:14 (NKJV)
Sometimes your light will warm. Sometimes it will confront. Sometimes it will illuminate paths for others to walk in freedom. And sometimes, it will simply remind a weary world that hope has not gone out.
Even if you're misunderstood, even if your yes to God means a no to man’s approval — shine anyway. Keep your flame trimmed. Keep the oil of intimacy burning. Stay close to the Source.
Let your life echo this truth:
I was not made to fit in. I was made to shine.
Shine on, beloved. You were made for this. 💛
🎨 Creative Prompt
Create a journal page titled “Unapologetically Light.”
Use gold, yellow, or soft white watercolours or pencils. Sketch or collage a lantern, candle, or sunrise. Around it, write down the places or relationships where you’ve dimmed yourself to avoid discomfort. Then, in bold, write this declaration across the page:
“I was born to shine, not shrink.”
Finish by writing a prayer asking the Holy Spirit to increase your courage to carry His light wherever you go.
🙌 Closing Prayer
Jesus, Light of the world, thank You for calling me out of darkness and into Your marvellous light. Help me walk boldly, even when I feel unseen or misunderstood. Teach me to love well, speak truth gently, and shine without shame. May Your presence in me bring warmth to the weary and conviction to the lost. I surrender my longing to be liked and choose instead to be light. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
14. Juli 2025 um 09:30:00
The Courage to Keep Growing
When your boundaries feel like betrayal to those who benefitted from your silence
People are not always mad at you.
Sometimes, they’re mad at the boundaries you now hold.
When you start to honour your heart, to protect your peace, and to stop saying "yes" when everything in you whispers "no" — some will call it selfish. Some will say you've changed. And you have.
Because growth doesn’t always look like blooming roses and cheerful applause, sometimes it looks like silence, discomfort, or people pulling away. Sometimes it’s being misunderstood. But beloved, growth is still holy, even when it's lonely.
📖 "Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." — Galatians 1:10 (NIV)
Growth can feel like betrayal to those who benefited from your lack of limits. Your old people-pleasing self made things easier for them — but it left you depleted. Now, you're learning to choose emotional health over harmony at any cost.
It takes courage to change the patterns that kept you small. To raise your standards. To stop over-explaining your no. But here's the beauty — the ones who truly love you will adjust. Real love learns, listens, and respects the new version of you, even when it's unfamiliar.
So keep growing. Keep healing. Keep becoming. You’re not betraying anyone. You’re just finally being loyal to yourself — and to the God who’s teaching you how to walk in truth.
📖 "The fear of man brings a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord shall be safe." — Proverbs 29:25 (NKJV)
You’re not wrong for growing. You’re not too much for setting boundaries. You are becoming who God created — and that is beautiful.🌿
🙌 Closing Prayer
Jesus, thank You for walking with me as I grow into the person You designed me to be. Help me not to shrink to make others comfortable, but to love with courage and speak truth with grace. Strengthen me when I feel alone in my growth, and surround me with those who honour my heart.
In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
14. Juli 2025 um 08:15:00
Kindness Is Mine to Keep
Holding onto grace, even when it's not reciprocated.
There was a time I took it all so personally — the silence, the rejection, the cold responses when I had offered warmth.
I wondered if I wasn’t enough. If I was somehow the problem. If maybe, just maybe, I needed to try harder, give more, bend further but healing has gently opened my eyes. How I treat others reflects the condition of my heart.
14. Juli 2025 um 05:19:00
My Circle is Small by Intention
A reflection on boundaries, belonging, and brave love
My circle isn’t small because I’m hard to love — it’s small because I’ve learned to recognise what fake love really feels like. I’ve tasted the sting of shallow loyalty, of being remembered only when it’s convenient… and I’m no longer willing to pour into places that only take, never give.
14. Juli 2025 um 05:01:00
Honouring the Pause
My Journey to Discernment and Peace
There was a time when silence felt risky to me.
I used to fill every pause with apologies, afraid that stillness might be mistaken for weakness. I thought if I could explain just a little more, say it softer, or say it faster, maybe I’d be understood — maybe I’d be safe.
14. Juli 2025 um 03:03:00
United We Rise
When division is the strategy, clarity becomes the revolution.
They didn’t have to lift a finger against us. All they had to do was make us turn on each other.
While we were busy defending our corners, proving each other wrong, they stood untouched — the ones truly holding the power. Pride did their work for them. Rumours lit the match. Ego fed the flame. And before we knew it, we were standing in the ruins of what could’ve been unity.
It’s heartbreaking how quickly we forget who the real enemy is when our attention is hijacked by offence and our hearts are hardened by misunderstanding. We were created for connection — not conflict. But they whispered lies into the spaces between us, turned differences into weapons, and quietly stepped back as we did their work for them.
14. Juli 2025 um 00:00:00
Unshifting the Blame
Recognising manipulation and reclaiming your peace
There’s a quiet kind of war that happens in the soul when you’re constantly made to feel that you are the problem — not because of what you did, but because someone else doesn’t want to take ownership of their actions. It’s the cruel sleight of hand of emotional manipulation: turning your reaction into the villain so they don’t have to face their own.
As Robert Wilkinson so piercingly put it:
14. Juli 2025 um 00:00:00
When Silence Feels Safer Than Honesty
Emotional Abuse
"Emotional abuse doesn’t always shout. Sometimes, it whispers guilt into your soul for having needs, asking questions, or seeking truth. It teaches you to hush your heart and call it peace — when it’s really fear."
Healing starts the moment we stop believing that lie.
13. Juli 2025 um 22:45:00
Breaking the Chains
Daring to confront generational strongholds and reclaim our God-given freedom
There’s a kind of courage not often celebrated — the kind it takes to stand up to patterns so familiar they almost feel like family. The ones that whisper, “This is just how we are,” even when they’re slowly suffocating us.
13. Juli 2025 um 22:06:00
Love, Loyalty and Protection
I Stand Beside the One I Love
I stand beside the one I love — loudly, proudly, and unapologetically because real love is more than just words. It’s loyalty lived out. It’s honour shown — not just in private, but in public. It’s choosing covenant over convenience, and respect over performance.
If the person I’ve committed my heart and life to is not welcome, embraced, or respected, then neither am I.
We don’t play with fake peace or surface-level niceties. We don’t bow to environments that dishonour the sacred. Love is holy. Marriage is sacred, and the people I love deeply, I stand with fiercely.
That goes for my children too. If they’re not safe, seen, or supported — I’m not staying.
Because love that reflects Christ always protects, always trusts, always defends. (1 Corinthians 13:7)
If respect isn’t mutual, you won’t find me at your table.
13. Juli 2025 um 19:24:00
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