When I find myself struggling with feelings of incompetence, I place a hand over my heart and remind myself that this, too, is sacred ground. Struggle isn’t a sign that I am failing; it’s a whisper that I am growing. Often, it means I am standing in the second stage of the journey — the place where transformation takes root.

Yet another thought-provoking question has arisen as I continue to work through John Maxwell's 30-Day Growth Plan. I am embracing the power of prayer and reflection as a guiding light on my journey. I will intentionally align my actions with my values of love,  kindness, compassion and generosity, forging a meaningful and authentic path to my identity. I will immerse myself fully in the creative process, allowing it to inspire and renew me. I am committed to personal growth and self-care. I will dedicate time to reflect deeply and better understand myself. Staying true to my authentic self, I will foster positive connections based on love, respect, and generosity. My dedication to growth extends beyond myself as I  nurture my relationships with care. I will set clear intentions to recognise and uproot limiting beliefs, learn to master communication skills and take the time to reflect on my progress, celebrating the milestones along the way. By thoughtfully planning the next steps in both my personal and professional growth, I will navigate my path with purpose, clarity, and grace. Each step forward will reflect the life I am building — rooted in love, kindness, generosity, creativity, and a commitment to becoming who God has created me to be.

How often do we walk around with our "F.I.N.E." masks on? I know I did that all my life. I mastered the art of looking fine on the outside while feeling anything but on the inside. F.I.N.E. was just a cover for me—Freaked out, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional. It was a performance, a way of keeping people at arm's length, and, if I’m honest, a way of keeping God at arm's length too. From a very young age, I had been disappointed and hurt by people so many times that I vowed not to be vulnerable to protect my heart. I hardened my heart to relationships because I had decided that good things don't last. But here's the thing about masks: they might protect us for a moment but also isolate us. They make it impossible for others to see our real needs and even harder for us to receive the healing and help we desperately crave. I was reminded of this while watching an interview between Simon Sinek and Trevor Noah. Simon said something profound: "Trust is not built by offering help. Trust is  built by asking for help." Think about that. Asking for help isn’t a weakness—it’s the foundation of trust. One of my hardest lessons has been learning to be vulnerable about sharing current struggles, not just testimonies. When I let my guard down and allowed the tears to flow and members to pray for me during group sessions, the dynamics of our group changed. Stepping into that space has allowed incredible things to unfold—not just in my life but in the lives of others. In my groups, attendees have become more open, willing to share their stories, and brave enough to ask for prayer. It’s been a powerful reminder of how God works through community and connection. Vulnerability is powerful because it leads to intimacy. When we let someone truly see us—in-to-me-see, we open the door to a deeper connection. Whether with God or others, vulnerability is the bridge that invites healing, trust, and love into our lives. What if that same principle applies to our relationship with God? What if the healing we seek begins with a simple act of vulnerability—acknowledging our pain, our fears, and our brokenness? What if the mask is the very thing keeping us from God's healing hand? God won't heal what we won't acknowledge. Take off the mask. Let God and others in-to-you-see. Acknowledge what's real. That’s where healing and growth begin. That’s where trust grows. And that’s where intimacy flourishes. Trust Him enough to take off the mask. Acknowledge what’s real. That’s where the healing begins.

Earlier this week, Pastor David asked me to share a short testimony at the volunteer dinner this Sunday evening. I've had so many roller-coaster moments this year that there's just no way I can fit them into a 3-minute speech, but for what it's worth, here’s what I came up with: First of all, thank you to all for contributing to my story. I wouldn't be here today without you loving me back to life since we came here three years ago after being displaced by vaccine passports. This year has been a remarkable season of growth, breakthroughs, and healing. It began in January when I confronted my foundational lie that I had to earn my keep. God opened doors for new opportunities through a part-time job, which became the catalyst for healing unresolved leadership and work-related trauma. I finally broke free from being stuck between the fears of success and failure. It’s been a year of testing and pruning, but God’s faithfulness has been evident every step of the way. One of the hardest lessons for me has been learning to be vulnerable about sharing current struggles, not just testimonies. Stepping into that space has allowed incredible things to unfold—not just in my life but in the lives of others. In our groups, attendees have become more open, willing to share their stories, and brave enough to ask for prayer. It’s been a powerful reminder of how God works through community and connection. Our most remarkable story is that of Capri sharing how much Tala, her father, has changed since they joined the group and how they now use the Healing Trauma workbook in family discussions. It has greatly inspired me to keep the groups going. Some of the youngsters in our group asked to restart the series after three lessons to get their friends to join. This led to a 12-week series for 12 young adults starting in April. Watching this younger generation lean into God’s healing and restoration has been profoundly inspiring. Larry has added Mandarin subtitles to my Healing Trauma videos, creating a space for 5 Chinese ladies to experience the series. Through all of this, I’ve been overwhelmed by God’s faithfulness. For decades, I had struggled with depression—a lifelong battle that felt impossible to overcome. But this year has been a celebration of the freedom and healing only God can bring, and for the first time in my life, I haven't had a "Trigger Season". He’s taken the broken pieces of my life and turned them into something beautiful—bringing hope where there was despair and joy where there was heaviness. Looking back, I see how God has restored not only my mind and heart but also my relationships, my purpose, and my vision. Every breakthrough and moment of healing is a testimony to His goodness and love. This journey hasn’t been one I’ve walked alone. I’m deeply grateful to every one of you who has prayed, encouraged, and supported me. Your love has been a reflection of God’s own heart. So today, I want to celebrate—not just my story but the story God is writing in all of us. Let’s give thanks for His goodness and rejoice in the healing and restoration He continues to bring. With God, nothing is impossible, and every step is worth it. I will leave you with these Scriptures I was given by my boss that have become foundational for me: Philippians 4:6 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Ephesians 3:20 20Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. Unfortunately, Clive got distracted at the sound desk and forgot to record it so that I could include a video version here.

“The weight of unspoken words is heavier than any burden we carry. It is the weight of things left unsaid, of emotions buried deep, of truths hidden away in the dark corners of our minds. And as that weight grows, it begins to crush us, to suffocate us, until we are no longer able to speak, no longer able to express the things we need to say, the things that could free us from the prison of our own silence.” -Alice Walker

For me, the cracks began to show after my ectopic pregnancy in 1996 — a moment that marked the unraveling of a lifetime of suppressed emotions and 3 more miscarriages after that. At the time, I had no idea I was battling high-functioning depression.  Moving to New Zealand and the challenges that followed only amplified the pressure until, my world came crashing down, and I faced a major breakdown in February 2018. Sometimes, in His boundless mercy, the Lord allows the walls we've built to crumble. He meets us in the wreckage, gently bringing us to the end of ourselves so we can finally see the truth — we are nothing without Him. “One day you will tell your story of how you overcame what you went through and it will be someone else's survival guide.” - Brene Brown Our personal experiences hold transformative power, and sharing them can create ripples of hope and resilience in others' lives. Each journey through hardship is uniquely woven, yet the wisdom and strength gained along the way often serve as a light for those navigating similar struggles. When we openly share our stories of overcoming adversity, we do more than reflect on our past—we build a bridge of understanding, a collective strength that helps others find their way. Storytelling is not just about healing ourselves; it’s about empowering others, fostering a community where courage and compassion thrive. Our narratives, born from challenges, can become survival guides and sources of inspiration, serving a purpose far greater than we might imagine. As Revelation 12:11 reminds us: "And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto death." There’s power in testimony. Courage and confidence bloom when we step out in obedience and share the journey God has brought us through. I invite you to join me on this journey of healing and transformation. Sign up to follow my story updates through This Is My Story (List) | Trixi's Creations. Together, let’s build a community bound by hope, faith, and resilience.

I find myself diving deep into a thought-provoking question as I journey through John Maxwell's Growth Plan. It's an exciting and insightful exploration that has me reflecting on my personal growth! I am on a journey towards deeper connection — both with myself and with others. This path calls for intentional inner healing, a courageous process of identifying and uprooting limiting beliefs that have held me back from realising my full potential. I am moving steadily towards transformation and renewal, focusing on personal growth and the importance of self-care as foundations for my progress. I am growing into a life of greater positivity and authenticity, fully committed to my own development while also nurturing and valuing my relationships. I am learning to live in alignment with my true self, cultivating love, compassion, and generosity for those within my sphere of influence. I am setting my sights on meaningful goals that bring me closer to my dreams and aspirations while embracing the discipline to plan ahead with clarity and intention. At the same time, I am taking moments to reflect on what I’ve achieved and to celebrate my successes, no matter how small they may seem. This journey is about becoming—about leaning into growth, embracing renewal, and stepping boldly into the person I am meant to be.

As we navigate this festive season, let's remember to be kind to those around us, for we may never truly know the burdens they carry. For so many, this time of year can be the hardest. The pain of pretending to be joyful when your heart is breaking is something I deeply understand. For me, November to January has historically been a trigger season, since I lost my village to migragion in October at five years old, with that being the first of many displacements that would follow. The ache of that loss has lingered in different ways over the years. Last year, when the weight of it all began to settle in early November, I was blessed to have my Elijah House tribe sister, Wendy, come to visit for a few hours. Together, we began to unravel the deep roots of the pain that stemmed from losing my community at such a young age. We didn’t uncover all the sinful responses in that time, but God has done so much healing and brought so many breakthroughs in the year since.  This year, remarkably, I’ve made it through the trigger season without feeling the familiar heaviness, though I’m still very much aware of those around me who say they’re "fine," but whose eyes tell a different story. Just this past Sunday, I crossed paths with one such person. Since then, I’ve been burden-bearing & praying for her. Sometimes, all we need is someone to see us for who we really are – not just the face we present to the world, but the heart beneath. Love, compassion & kindness really do go a long way.

Recently, I realised the reason why I suck at communication is that I've spent most of my life withdrawn & in my head. Growing up, there were no conversations with Mom and Dad because they were barely home, hence my immense struggle with communication. When my stepdad came on the scene, he always said, "Think before you speak," whenever we had something to say, but somewhere along the line, my brother and I got stuck overthinking. Now, I can have all these wonderful conversations with people in my head after the fact, but when I'm with them, I struggle with awkward silence because I don't remember what I want to say. I seriously need to get unstuck so I can fully step into my purpose and embrace the abundant life Jesus came to give me. I want to master communication skills, not just for myself but also for my community and my jobs. I aim to become fluent in expressing my heart and mind. Last week, I attended a 3-day boot camp for the Maxwell Leadership World Class Communicator coaching and want to share my excitement (& slight apprehension). I realised this was just the training I needed to improve my •  Storytelling skills • 1-on-1 communication skills • 1-on-1 in small groups communication skills & • 1-to-many on-stage communication skills. However, I had just invested all my savings in another course to help me eliminate my limiting beliefs, so I didn't have the finances for this course either. Then, during the Q&A on Friday, I remembered that I had won the Day 1 Homework prize. I mustered up the courage to ask if they'd be willing to swap the iPhone for access to the course, so now I'm all in with coaching starting next week. It also includes access to John Maxwell's 16 Laws of Communication. The next 6 weeks will be a roller-coaster ride as I once again step outside my comfort zone to face the fear of public speaking. What does it mean to be a world-class communicator? A world-class communicator: • Creates deep, meaningful connections, • Speaks with unwavering clarity and conviction, • Sparks transformative action through their words. But their impact goes far beyond the stage— • It's felt in every interaction, • They leave a trail of trust and value wherever they go. For them, communication isn’t just about being heard; it’s about making others feel: • Truly seen, • Fully understood, • Genuinely empowered. As I share this, I'm both excited and apprehensive at the thought of doing this, but I'm looking forward to the challenge so I can add more value to those in my sphere of influence.🎉🎊🥳

Change is never easy, but it’s one of those inevitable forces that shapes us in ways we can’t always predict. Change is difficult, not because we lack the ability, but because our emotions are so convincing. Over the last few months, I’ve come to embrace it, even when it felt uncomfortable, because I’ve learned something important: growth often happens when we step out of what feels familiar. This morning, I spent time packing up Elias’ bookshelves in preparation for his move out of this office at The Crate this weekend. This small act of kindness to add value to Elias has been a bittersweet task. This office has been more than just a workspace for the past eight months — it’s been the heart of my emotional journey of healing workplace-related wounding. From the highs to the lows, I’ve spent countless hours working here alongside Elias on the CCNNZ challenges we inherited from our predecessors. But it wasn’t just about the work. This space became a reflection of the personal transformation I’ve gone through. I’ve laughed, I’ve cried, and I’ve confronted my deepest fears in this room. It’s been messy. It’s been beautiful. But more than anything, it’s been healing. Every challenge and breakthrough has led me closer to understanding my true self. And that’s what change does—it forces us to grow, to face what’s been hidden, and to step into the person we’re meant to be. God knew what He was doing when He set me up with this job I wasn’t seeking. When I resigned from my last job in August 2005, I vowed I would never work in the corporate world again because I had come to expect all bosses to be demanding, mean, and critical, and I would never meet their standards. We need fathers to heal the wounds caused by fathers, teachers to heal the wounds caused by teachers, pastors to heal the wounds caused by pastors, bosses to heal the wounds caused by bosses & leaders to heal the wounds caused by leaders. In this short time, Elias has touched on every one of these areas, from praying with me when I needed someone to hear my confessions to teaching, encouraging, disciplining, and calling forth the person God created me to be. Letting go of this office, letting go of this chapter, is bittersweet. But I know that change brings new opportunities. Sometimes, we don’t see them right away. But when we look back, we realize that the challenging moments were stepping stones that led us to something better. I’m going to have to learn to focus without the structure of an office environment & navigate the distractions. So, here’s to embracing change. It’s messy, it’s hard, but it’s also where transformation begins. 2024 has indeed been a major transition year. Next year, I will focus on investing in my personal growth alongside my ministry and my work for CCNNZ and Nexus Connect. There’s just so much I still need to learn to prepare for my big, hairy, audacious dream. My goal for this next quarter is to save up the funds for the next intake of the World Class Communicator masterclass by Maxwell Leadership. How do you navigate change in your life and work?🤔

As I work through John Maxwell's Growth Plan, I'm finding that I need to dig really deep for some of the answers. It might be easier if I were clearer on the question, "Who am I?" but that's still part of my journey of discovery. For now, I find myself in a peaceful state of reflection and spiritual growth. This is a time when prayer and quiet moments guide me, helping me to embrace the transformative journey ahead. I aim to align my actions with my values of kindness and compassion, which gives a sense of inner peace and contentment. I am deeply engaged in a creative journey that involves exploring the vibrant textures of acrylic painting and the reflective practice of creative journaling. This experience allows me to express my inner world, find joy in the process, and nurture my creative spirit. Each brushstroke and journal entry represents a step toward deeper self-discovery. I am currently in a positive and authentic phase of my life, dedicated to personal growth and strengthening my relationships. This journey focuses on staying true to myself, nurturing love and generosity, and continuously striving to become the best version of myself. It is a path filled with warmth and genuine connections. At this time, I find myself at a crossroads, assessing my goals and aspirations. This time is dedicated to setting new intentions, reflecting on my accomplishments, and planning the next steps in my personal and professional growth. It’s a thoughtful and purposeful journey, guided by clarity and determination. Reflective and Spiritual: “I find myself in a serene space of reflection and spiritual growth. It’s a time where prayer and quiet moments guide me, helping me to embrace the transformative journey ahead. This phase is about aligning my actions with my values of kindness and compassion, creating a sense of inner peace and contentment.” Creative and Artistic: “I’m immersed in a world of creativity, exploring the vibrant textures of acrylic painting and the introspective practice of creative journaling. This journey is about expressing my inner landscape, finding joy in the process, and nurturing my creative spirit. Each brushstroke and journal entry is a step towards deeper self-discovery.” Transformative and Restorative: “I’m in a season of transformation and rest, focusing on personal growth and self-care. This period is dedicated to understanding myself better, nurturing my relationships, and embracing the changes that come with growth. It’s a time of renewal, where rest and reflection pave the way for new beginnings.” Positive and Authentic: “I am in a positive and authentic phase of my life, committed to personal growth and nurturing my connections. This journey is about being true to myself, fostering love and generosity, and continuously striving to be the best version of myself. It’s a path filled with warmth and genuine interactions.” Goal-Oriented and Reflective: “At this moment, I’m at a crossroads, evaluating my goals and aspirations. This time is about setting new intentions, reflecting on my achievements, and planning the next steps in my personal and professional growth. It’s a thoughtful and purposeful journey, guided by clarity and determination.”

Today, I was reminded & am still chuckling about the great beetroot debacle that got me into hot water with Clive some 28 years ago... 😂🤣😅 I must have been around 10 weeks pregnant when I devoured an entire jar of beetroot and drank all the juice. Let’s just say my trip to the bathroom later turned into a real panic-fest. I thought I was bleeding, and given my history of ectopic pregnancy just a few months prior, Clive freaked out and called the gynaecologist. What did she eat today? "he asked, and I sheepishly replied," Beetroot... who knew a whole bottle of it would cause such chaos? Long story short, I was beetroot-banned during my next pregnancy. At least today, it was safe to eat all I wanted today since I'm a sports model, and there's no risk of loss.

When we feel self-conscious, we tend to become more focused on ourselves. This increased self-focus can lead to feeling more nervous, causing a spiral of anxiety.   When we find ourselves in the spotlight, we may freeze up, and our voices might shake. We often feel overwhelmed, as if the attention on us has transformed from a simple light into the intense heat of a thousand burning suns. We start to panic about what-ifs. What if I forget what I’m going to say? What if I stuff up? What if I don’t do a good job? What if I say something funny and people don’t laugh? What if I’m boring? What if I don’t apply the lessons that you taught me?' All these what ifs are like prison bars that prevenus from stepping into our purpose and destiny.   The solution is both simple and effective: redirect your focus from yourself to the audience.   I've been told I speak a lot and fast when I get nervous. Whenever I feel anxious, I must remind myself that at least one person in the audience truly needs to hear the message I will share in my video or speech. I keep in mind that if they receive my message or story, it could change their life. Focusing on that individual will help me regain my composure.   Now, here's a straightforward quote from Tim Han's masterclass that I must remember next time I spiral out of control: 'Listen, Patrizia. If you don’t stop making this about you, I will bitch slap you. It’s not about you right now. It’s about the people you are about to serve. Get out of your own head. It’s NOT about you.

In my quest for learning and personal growth, I’ve embarked on John Maxwell’s 30-Day Growth Plan course. He encourages us to be bold and, to ensure accountability, suggests sharing our thoughts on social media or texting them to a friend or mentor. A shared commitment becomes a firm commitment. Here are my reflections for Day 1: What keeps you from being authentic with others? 🤔 The risk of being rejected, ridiculed, or criticized. I recognize that my fear of rejection and criticism stems from the concern that others may not appreciate me for who I am. This fear is rooted in a history of abandonment and rejection, but I am actively working through these feelings. Despite past challenges, I am committed to embracing my true self and building resilience against any negativity that comes my way. I know I have the strength to overcome these fears and continue growing. It’s a vulnerable place to be, but I believe that embracing our true selves, despite these fears, is where real growth and connection happen. 🌱💖 What barriers to authenticity (beliefs, fears, experiences, etc.) do you struggle against? 🤔 I celebrate my journey of overcoming the fear of rejection, learning from experiences of abandonment, and finding strength in navigating criticism and betrayal. While these experiences remind me that revealing my true self might invite judgment or dismissal, I joyfully embrace the opportunity to share my authentic self with the world! There’s a beautiful balance between being seen and understanding that not everyone will understand. I’m discovering the joy in trusting my worth and fully engaging in life, relishing every moment regardless of the risks. A quick glance at the workbook questions reveals that I will need to dig deep to discover where I am, determine where I’m going, and plan how I’ll get there.

The last time I found myself in an X-ray facility was in August 2010, after having had my prosthetic disc replacement in June of that year & then having slipped; this set of X-rays would indicate the need for a fusion in my neck a few days later. I was reminded how I was close to tears in June whilst I was waiting for my x-rays so I could return to the neurosurgeon’s office. Little did I know then that I would be sent home later to go pack for surgery the next day. It took me years before I started feeling remotely normal after the four rapid succession operations I had in the space of 14 months back then, and the last thing I wanted to experience was another operation. I was grateful that, this time, I didn’t need to wait for the x-rays and report as I did back then so I could head off to the office. This turned out to be a welcome distraction from all the “What if…?” questions spinning through my mind. This is not a space I ever wanted to return to... Last Monday, during our monthly Elijah House North Shore gathering, I sought prayer for my back & hip, which have been causing debilitating pain for a couple of months. The other day, whilst at Gilmours to buy a cake for the shared office lunch, I had to ask Misha to walk down and drive me home because my back and hip were in such spasm that I had to fight back the tears as I could barely stand up straight. And this wasn't the first time I've had this much pain... Peter received a word from the Lord, saying, "I have your back!" He then asked if there were areas in my life where I hadn't believed that He indeed had my back and instead had been trying to protect myself and have my own back. This resonated deeply with me as I recognised my lifelong struggle to fend for myself and to have my own back. Once again, I had to confess and repent for my sinful responses to past trauma. In September, when Elias expressed his frustration with the mistakes and issues during the awards preparations by becoming cold and distant, the healed part of my heart recognised the "mover in distress" and extended forgiveness. However, this week, I realised that, in my woundedness, my hopes of finding a friend and mentor were shattered. The wounded part of my heart judged him as unsafe, unkind, cold, distant and unapproachable, much like all the other men in my life had been.  Reading that he was going to recommend one more month on my contract in his CEO report in October, I perceived his affirmations and compliments as flattery and started feeling increasingly unsafe. Once again, I had the proverbial mat pull out from under me; after all, good things don't last, or so I thought. I came to expect that he wouldn't have my back. Therefore, I had to protect myself, resulting in withdrawal and subsequent inner turmoil that affected my performance and motivation. I was making mistakes and started beating myself up, and the voices in my head resurfaced, shouting the likes of: "What's wrong with you?", "Why can't you get it right?", "You're not good enough!", "Shape up, or ship out!" and "You're going to get yourself fired!" I also realised that in feeling shut out and reaching for old ways of self-protection, I failed to recognise Elias' needs and didn't support him as I had committed to. When I withdrew, I failed to "have his back"…  My body has been manifesting this internal conflict through what the physiotherapist called "protective" spasms.

When we arrived in Waipawa on Sunday for our anniversary holiday, I discovered that Clive had removed my flag bag from the boot of the car, so I missed having them for early morning worship on Monday. We drove to Spotlight in Hastings in search of materials to create some flags for the week. I stumbled upon some beautiful, rainbow-coloured fabric covered in glitter, along with some dowel sticks. Although Clive didn’t seem convinced, he agreed that it was very much in line with my style. Later that afternoon, during my prayer ministry session with Sandra, I envisioned an explosion of colour reminiscent of my new makeshift flags. Part of my ministry focused on my tendency to exert total control over chaos, which has led me to struggle with fully enjoying life and allowing myself to have fun. How fitting it is that these flags symbolize my reclaiming of God's rainbow and the vibrant colours in my own life.

Flags represent a prophetic picture of wings, symbolising our protection. As Psalm 91 says, we will be hidden under Your wings, in the shadow of Your wings. The flags are a prophetic image of being covered by God's wings, feeling the breath and life of God. "Lord, let her experience this now. Let her feel the breath of what You want to manifest in the natural realm. Through the flags, through the waving of fabric in the air, cover her. Your banner over her is love. Send heavenly hosts to that banner." Sandra envisioned an army fighting, holding up a banner. Other units ran to it, recognising their banner and choosing to serve under it. Similarly, heavenly hosts are drawn to the banner to fight on our behalf. The Lord says I don’t have to hide anymore; He sends help from the sanctuary.

During my prayer ministry with Sandra this afternoon, she asked the Holy Spirit to show me what He was doing in those captive and slumbering areas in the kingdom of my heart❤️ 🔥 I saw Him building a fire, and then He threw all the rubbish of my life into it to burn it all. Over the last four years, I've learnt to embrace the fireball of pain that brings cleansing and healing to the kingdom of my heart.

This afternoon, during my prayer ministry with Sandra to address areas of spiritual captivity, I heard the song "Free to Dance Again." Decades ago, in my early years of Christianity, I was on the dance and drama team in the church in Cape Town. However, moving to Johannesburg meant that there was no more team, so dance was out of the picture for many years. About two years ago, the Lord started speaking to me about returning to my first love. I would see myself dancing during worship, but it would take a while and much healing before I could move my feet to do it. Sandra saw Jesus bringing me ice skates. He was holding the ice skates in His hands. They were white, laced up with a bow. He wants to restore my ability to dance. Ice skating is much riskier than regular dancing, and it also requires a partner. There’s a significant element of trust involved because you must rely heavily on your partner, especially during the lifts. It’s as if Jesus is inviting this little girl to trust her partner during the lifts and in the timing. They could accidentally harm each other if they’re off by just a couple of seconds. The lifts and jumps are so high, requiring perfect synchronization. This invitation carries a lot of meaning. Typically, the Lord engages in spiritual captivity, but He is very gentle and inviting with the little girl because she views men as unsafe and untrustworthy. Jesus, who embodies the divine, and the Father, both represent masculinity. Being the gentleman that He is, He would never intrude. What’s interesting about this vision is that I used to have white ice skates when I was young. I brought them from Germany after our first return in 1979, but I don’t remember who gave them to me. I loved ice skating, but I can’t do it anymore because it’s too risky to fall with the prosthetic in my spine. The last time I saw my ice skates was before my mom took us to boarding school after her divorce when we moved to Port Elizabeth. I have no idea what happened to them.

For the past three years, I've been hosting paint parties to help others re-discover their creative abilities. However, today, I spent some time being the student on the other side of the paint party scene. Although others loved it, I thought I may have created a monster.