In spite of 2 major triggers over the last 4 weeks, I can now officially exclaim the enemy has won no victories & I'm still standing... thank You Jesus that You came to set the captives free & that You will use all the things I've been through for good. I have good reason to celebrate: new LIFE in Christ. ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭145:1‭-‬3‬ ‭NIV‬‬ [1] I will exalt you, my God the King; I will praise your name for ever and ever. [2] Every day I will praise you and extol your name for ever and ever. [3] Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; his greatness no one can fathom.

📍 Story Moment: A January afternoon in the garden, hands deep in overgrowth — not knowing that the unearthing had already begun. 📖 "I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you." — Jeremiah 31:3 (NKJV) There are moments when the heart doesn't merely react — it remembers. What felt like pressure in the present was never really about a learning channel, a timeline, or even the idea of earning money. It was the echo of an old room, a storm-lit road, and a younger version of me sitting quietly, carrying conclusions far heavier than her years. 💔 The garden became more than a garden that day. It became a place of unearthing. As my hands pulled at the overgrown edges, my heart was doing the same — tugging at roots that had wrapped themselves tightly around my identity. Each strand of grass seemed to carry something deeper: a belief, a vow, a silent agreement made in a moment where I had felt unseen and unheard. That sixteen-year-old girl sat in a car where silence spoke louder than words. She learned, without being taught, that love must be earned, that her voice carried little weight, and that usefulness determined worth. Those weren't failures of character. They were strategies of survival. 🕯️ I learned to comply to stay safe. I learned to be useful to stay valued. I learned to silence myself to keep the peace. Yet survival, when carried into adulthood, begins to speak as truth — when it was only protection that had overstayed its season. The fear I felt that day — that overwhelming, towering presence — wasn't irrational. It was rooted. It had a history. It had a voice that said, "If you don't contribute, you'll be rejected." The anger carried truth within it too. Not sin, but signal. It pointed to a place where my heart hadn't been considered, where my voice hadn't been honoured, where my "yes" was expected but my "no" wasn't permitted. 📖 "The LORD is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit." — Psalm 34:18 (NKJV) 🕊️ There was something tender worth holding with care: Clive's desire wasn't to diminish me, yet his words brushed against a place that hadn't fully healed. His stepping back wasn't rejection — it was space, and in that space, God met me. What once felt like pressure became invitation. What once felt like demand became discovery. Standing in that garden, something shifted. I named the judgements. I exposed the expectations. I brought the vows into the light. I identified the lie. This is the quiet, holy work of healing. 📖 "For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, 'Abba, Father.'" — Romans 8:15 (NKJV) 🌱 What I declared in that garden wasn't a small statement — it was a profound shift in identity. I am valuable, even when I produce nothing. I am loved, even when I earn nothing. I am seen, even when I am silent. The vows I once made kept me safe — yet they're no longer needed. I don't have to shut up. I don't have to disappear. I don't have to prove my worth through usefulness. I'm allowed to have a voice. I'm allowed to move at God's pace. I'm allowed to create from calling, not compulsion. The garden, in all its overgrowth, became a place of surrender. Not polished, not composed — yet deeply sacred. My Father met me there, not with instruction, but with memory. Not to accuse, but to restore. I'm not a servant trying to earn my place. I'm a daughter who already belongs. ✍️ Story in a Sentence: "God met me in the overgrowth — not to demand my usefulness, but to restore my identity as His beloved daughter." 🪨 My Life Verse in this season: 📖 "I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you." — Jeremiah 31:3 (NKJV) 💡 Reflection "You don't have to have it all figured out to begin. Your story matters — even the parts that still hurt, even the chapters you'd rather skip. Take a moment with these questions and let the Holy Spirit lead you gently…" • Where do you still feel the need to prove your worth through doing rather than simply being? 🤔 • What would it look like to let your voice be heard without fearing dismissal or rejection? 🤔 • Can you trace a present-day fear back to a younger version of yourself who made a silent agreement to survive — and what would it mean to release her from that vow? 🤔 • In what ways is God inviting you to receive His provision, rather than earn it? 🤔 • Where might God be using what feels like pressure to create space — not for striving, but for surrender? 🤔 🎺 Affirmation You are not behind. You are not failing. You are not required to earn your place. You are already held, already seen, already loved — not because of what you produce, but because of whose you are. The overgrowth in your life isn't evidence of your failure. It's an invitation to the deeper work — the holy, unhurried unearthing that only God can do. He is not standing over you with a measuring rod. He is kneeling beside you in the garden, gently pulling back what has grown over the truth of your identity. You are a daughter. You already belong. 🕊️ "And if this is your story too — even a fragment of it — know that you are not alone. God sees. God knows. God redeems." 🙌 Prayer "Lord, I lay this story — all of it — at Your feet. The beautiful parts and the broken ones. Take it, and let it be of use…" Father, thank You for meeting me in the places I tried to manage on my own. Thank You for uncovering the roots I couldn't see and for gently leading me into truth. Where I've believed that I must earn my worth, replace that lie with the certainty of Your love. Where fear has spoken loudly, quiet it with Your presence. Teach me to live as Your daughter — not striving, not proving, but resting in who You say I am. Restore my voice, heal my heart, and guide me in Your perfect timing. And for every woman reading this who recognises her own younger self in these words — meet her too, Father. Right where she is. In the garden of her own unearthing. In Jesus' Name, Amen. There is grace for every season of becoming. The roots that were buried deepest are often the ones God tends to most carefully — not uprooting carelessly, but healing thoroughly. You are not the sum of what you've survived. You are the testimony of what He has redeemed.

For the past few months Clive's been pushing me to start a learning channel so I could earn money to fund the ministry I'm doing. For some reason it's made me feel like a bewildered deer being pushed into a corner. I've said it many times before, my focus isn't business & I have to learn to trust that God will provide whatever I need to do the ministry He's called me to. For some reason the mere thought of running a business totally overwhelms me. He wants the learning channel to launch in March, a decision he had made without my collaboration & the more he pushes to get things done, the more triggered I become. Finally he decided to pull out & just support me in whatever I wanted to do whenever I'm ready & withdrew to his study after which found myself overwhelmed & frustrated in the garden pulling out the overgrown grass edges he was going to do whilst on holiday. I spent the next hour or so crying & pulling out overgrowth until I finally had to stop just because my back was aching & couldn't handle any more. Then the Lord gave me a memory.... When I was about 16, mom decided I should go to hotel school because it would be a waste of time for me to complete high school. I would live in the hotel, she would "take care" of my salary & give me pocket money. I dared not disagree & felt I had no choice in the matter as she drove me to the Holiday Inn in VanderbijIpark to meet will the manager. However, he disagreed I insisted I come back after I finished high school. It was dark & raining by the time we drove back home. By the time we got to the N1 onramp mom had to pull off the road & wait for the storm to settle before continuing the journey home. The atmosphere in the car during the hour long drive was palpable, not a word uttered by either of us. I concluded & judged: Mom's love is conditional to how I can benefit her I'm not good enough to get job If I don't earn money, I'm worthless. Do as you're told irrespective of how it makes you feel. My opinions & feelings are not important. I came to expect: I won't be valued unless I contribute financially People will always use me for their benefit. My opinions don't matter I will be dismissed. I won't be heard. I protected my heart by Shutting up. Complying & following orders. Decided not to make waves. Decided to be useful. Became driven to earn my keep. Sacrificed my own needs & opinions to keep the peace. I came to believe that: I'm worthless if I can't contribute financially I have to earn my keep. My opinions don't matter. I'm not important I'm not worth being taken care of This resulted in various ungodly fruit: Anger Outbursts Fear of failure & success Procrastination Self Sabotage Drivenness to do & be a contributor. I was angry, but turned it inward. If that fear / anger could talk, what would it say? fear - I'll be rejected if I'm not contributing anger - mom never considered / respected ME. Having put to death all these lies, judgments, expectations & vows, I can now finally rest in the knowledge, that even if I don't do anything that brings in money, I'm still valuable & loved, not for what I can contribute, but for WHO I am.

Pastor David asked me to share a testimony during our  end of the year Thanksgiving Service... Psalms‬ ‭103:2‭-‬5‬ ‭NIV‬‬ [2] Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits— [3] who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, [4] who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, [5] who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s. In January 2019, the Lord delivered me from a lifelong struggle with depression & suicidal thoughts after watching an online sermon. However, deliverance needs to go hand-in-hand with healing. We can't just clean the house by chasing the demons, but we also have to get rid of the reason why the strong man was there in the first place. Then we must dismantle the stronghold so God can become our refuge & stronghold, otherwise, when we experience a situation that triggers those old feelings, we'll reach for the familiar or we'll replace the false refuges with new ones. My strongholds remained & because my trauma hadn't been resolved, I merely replaced my false refuges with church, choir & serving. When lockdown came the mat was once again ripped out from under me but through God's divine intervention, I stumbled onto Sandra's online "Trauma Training" webinar during which I realised I was the one standing in the need of prayer. Last January during my B-School small group prayer ministry the Holy Spirit revealed that I had judged mom & dad as cold, distant, emotionally unavailable & unloving. Dishonouring mom & dad set me up for a lifetime of reaping. I had vowed never to become like mom & dad but that didn't go well for me. When we judge, we doom ourselves to do the same things & subsequently I became cold, distant & emotionally unavailable. When my boys became older, they too became cold & distant. After all, children learn what they LIVE, right? Scripture teaches us to honour Mom & Dad. Deuteronomy 5:16 (NASB1995) Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, that your days may be prolonged and that it may go well with you on the land which the Lord your God gives you. In every area where we dishonour mom & dad things won't go well with us & where my boys are concerned, things weren't going so well. As they got older, they too became cold, distant & withdrawn. After all, children learn what they LIVE, right? However, after repenting & apologising to my boys for my many mistakes as well as continuing to pursue my healing, our relationships have changed significantly in our family. My biggest transformation happened at C-School in July last year when my strongholds of denial & shame were dismantled. At D-School hidden rebellion & self-hatred was dealt with resulting in a massive improvement in my allergic reactions to food. I can now eat cheese without getting migraines afterwards. Running the Elijah House Encounter groups have been a massive learning experience for me. When the Lord prompted me to do it last year, my first response was a resounding "no ways, I'm ill-equipped & struggle with social anxiety. Surely, you can find someone better to do it!" but I have since learnt God can do more with my yes than I can do with all the education in the world. Courage & confidence follows OBEDIENCE! I've had to step way outside of my comfort zone & learn to trust that God would give me the ability to do what HE called me to do. I'm learning to lead, to trust, be authentic & also vulnerable enough to allow those around me to lift my arms when I feel weak. However I am now content with my weaknesses because God's grace is sufficient for me & His strength is revealed through my weakness.

During our Healing the Hearts of our Children series, this week we did pre-birth & toddler as well as a blessing. We learnt how science is catching up now to the Bible, that's always taught that humans can perceive & respond to things from conception. From the very beginning, an unborn child's spirit is fully operational & fully thinking. For many of us, trauma started before we were born when we perceived mom & dad's "oh no" to the discovery of pregnancy & in our brokenness, we can pass that on to our children. We also learnt how important it is to speak blessing over our children & how the blessing that is unspoken is actually a kind of curse that impacts us well into adulthood. Having grown up with much criticism & no blessings, I realised what hurt me most was the silence of the words I needed to hear but never did. The "I love you!"s, affirmations & encouragements I never heard & eventually vowed I won't need. Our parents can't give what they haven't received & in their lack, I, too, missed out & did exactly the same to my boys. When there are no parents speaking of blessing, God will often send someone else to do that. He has done that for me many times, but because of my bitter resolve that I won't be needy & will survive without it, I have never been able to receive it. Sandra & Peter prayed a mother's & father's blessing over us & when Sandra gave the word about resounding "Oh NO!" & breaking the power of that as well as the word about a lifelong contention of continuously starting over digging wells & that the contention is over, the tears just became uncontrollable & my group members ended up praying for me after we signed off from the life. As a group leader, I felt somewhat ashamed for unravelling, but then again, learning to allow others to love me back to life is all part of the journey. After all, I don't have to have it all together to help others on their journey of healing. I can lead by example whilst working through my own challenges. With that, we've wrapped up our lessons for this year. For the last few weeks of this year, we'll meet for worship, fellowship & if necessary, prayer ministry to anyone who needs it. We already have one lined up for next week. I'm praying the Lord will use us to do the very best thing for her...

Before a child talks, they sing. Before they write, they draw. As soon as they stand, they dance. Art is fundamental to human expression. It is the language of the soul that often speaks before words are even formed. Every time someone tells me, "I can't paint!", my heart cringes. The truth is, EVERYONE can paint. God Himself is the most amazing Artist, and according to Genesis 1:27, we were created in His image. That means creativity is already woven into the very fabric of who we are. So why do so many of us stop painting, drawing, or creating? As little children, it came so naturally, almost like breathing. Then somewhere along the way, words, wounds, and unspoken expectations whispered a lie: "You're not good enough." I know, because I carried that lie for years. Until only four years ago, I too used to say, "I can't paint!" It had been buried under the pain of my childhood, when my attempts at art were not acknowledged or appreciated. So I stopped. Yet God, in His kindness, began to restore this part of me. I picked up the brushes again, timidly at first, and discovered it was never about perfection. It was about expression. Healing. Joy. It was about giving myself permission to use what He had already placed within me. Since I began hosting community paint parties in August last year, I have seen the same transformation in others. People who walked in saying, "I can’t paint!" walked out carrying a canvas that took even their own breath away. Faces lit up with wonder, surprise, and a touch of holy delight. All but one child in those sessions had never painted before… yet each created something beautiful. The truth is, you too can paint. You only need to silence the voice of doubt and dare to try. Like any skill, it grows with practice — a few minutes every day, giving yourself permission to play. As one of my lecturers once said, it takes 10,000 hours to become a professional. Even I am not there yet! But the journey itself is part of the gift. 📖 "So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them." — Genesis 1:27 (NKJV) ✨ May you rediscover the joy of childlike creativity. Pick up the brush, let colours flow, and allow the Creator to meet you in the simple act of making beauty. Who knows — you may just surprise yourself with what has been hidden inside all along.

I received this word from Sandra during prayer ministry on 4/6/2020... Be still & know I am here. INVEST: The Lord wants you to invest in you personally. You're not a waste of time, money & effort. What would that look like? • Take time to discover what fills your creative well • new haircut? • new dress? • Take the time & money you need for qualifications? • How can l express the beauty of me? I think I'm slowly but surely getting to the point of knowing what it looks like🤔  Watch this space... I've rebelled for 2 years, but my friend, Dorina, will be especially delighted with my most recent acquisitions.🤦‍♀️

True worship is not about your skill or technique. It is about your heart being tuned in to the Holy Spirit, trusting Him to lead you. It is easy to be confident when you are talented with skill. Only the Holy Spirit can take you beyond your skill, or lack tTrue worship is not about your skill or technique; it is about having your heart attuned to the Holy Spirit and trusting Him to lead you. While it can be easy to feel confident when you possess talent, true worship goes beyond that. Only the Holy Spirit can elevate you beyond your skills—or lack thereof—into the very throne room of God when you surrender yourself to Him. Thank you, Juls, for the time you invested in teaching me back then. I never would have thought I would dance again after 30 years. Love and miss you, sis.hereof into the very throneroom of God as you surrender yourself to Him. Thanks, Juls, for all the time you invested way back then to teach the likes of me for such a time as this... who would have thought, I'd ever dance again after 30 years. Love & miss ya, sis.

For the past 2 years, the Lord has talked to me about returning to my first love. In the early 90s, I was on the church dance and drama team in Cape Town. I used to love it. We would do dances and prayer walks with flags through. I loved it, but when we moved to Johannesburg, there were no dance and drama teams in the churches we attended. Then life happened, and I stopped doing everything I used to love. During worship, I would see myself dancing, but my feet were heavy, and I couldn't get myself to do more than raise my hands. After much healing and breakthrough, I've finally managed to break free from the stuckness to dance before the Lord.

I did D-School in July last year thinking it would be a breeze because I'd dealt with all the issues on the index, until we got to the lesson on SPIRITUAL REBELLION. I learnt every person is deeply in spiritual rebellion & in need of being reconciled with Him. 3The foolishness of a person ruins his way, And his heart rages against the Lord. Proverbs 19:3 It's not sin to desire relief from painful or difficult circumstances, but this lesson speaks to the way we reject our lives & ourselves, thus rebelling against God who created us. As a little girl, I thought I should have been a boy so daddy would love me too. If our rebellion remains unhealed it will affect us spiritually, physically & emotionally. I also dishonoured & rebelled against God by turning from life in the womb      when I decided “I shouldn’t be here”, hating my names, rejecting myself & the      girl He created me to be, not believing His truths      about me & not being authentic to name      just a few aspects of dishonour & rebellion towards God. I also learnt that you can't bear fruit unless you abide in the Resurrection. The cross is just the starting point. We must not stay there. Only the Lord knows the hearts of all men. Judgement is wrong because there's bitterness towards the person & we identify them by their mistakes. Because of trauma caused by drunkards in my life, I used to hate anyone who was drunk & in our early years of marriage Clive wasn't even allowed to come near me if he'd consumed any alcohol but today, I can no longer look at a drunk person without asking what the trauma behind the addiction is because ALL addictions are rooted in trauma. Although some addictions are harmless, others are destructive to those around us whilst others are self-destructive. When we see more than our judgement in people it sets them free. A few more truths I received during D-School group ministry: You're a human BEING not a      human doing Come my child, my chosen one,      my daughter. Stop doing, rest in Him. Father of Peace - "My      peace I give to you, My Peace, I leave with you. There is nothing wrong      with me." Abide in Him, breathe in Him, His Peace. A GOD of LOVE. Allow yourself      to rest & just be. God called you by name. He      defined Patrizia (meaning: of noble birth). Learn to stay in that Peace.      He goes before you. He will show you the way. After my group ministry session, I heard the Lord say: "BUT wait, there's more..." apparently, He's not finished with me yet. The Holy Spirit is gentle & takes through the journey as He peels of the layers one at a time like the layers of an onion, but He will not do it unless we allow Him. These encouraging words received after completing D-School were so totally on the ball with what I've felt all my life & I know that many in the church have had similar struggles & would relate to these... I get Pinocchio. You know he      wanted to be a real boy & he did become a real boy. He had the      carpenter. There was love there. He wanted a boy. He wanted a son &      the Father wants His children. I see Him bringing you into your real      identity, that you'll be able to live life. End of the strings. Thank You      Lord, we bless the newness. We bless the realness. We bless Your love for      your daughter, hallelujah. Pinocchio's father's place was a toyshop,      right? Have FUN. Have fun with the Father. Bless you. Bless you beautiful. Lord we      just thank you for your amazing grace & amazing transformation that's      just reflecting the glory of the Lord. And we with unveiled faces      beholding as in a mirror are being transformed from glory to glory into      the likeness of the Son. 2 Corinthians 3:18 I was so blessed when I saw      you dancing there well before we started & I just declare fulness of      joy in His presence & dancing queen for the King. I just feel like      there's a coming home for you. It's like "now I fit. I have a home. I      have a country. I have identity. I have a culture. It's okay to be me. I'm      home in the Father's house & it's gorgeous. It's amazing. I just declare the boundary      lines have fallen for me in pleasant places. The boundary lines have      fallen for me in pleasant places; surely, I have a delightful inheritance.      I will praise the LORD, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs      me. I have set the LORD always before me. Because he is at my right hand,      I will not be shaken. Psalm 16:6-8

Today my body feels like a battlefield. For the second time this year, my eyes are crying out against me — itching so fiercely that I almost want to scratch them from their sockets. The redness on my face tells the story of a fight I didn’t choose, and yet here I am, living through it again. Four days in… and I remember last time lasted a whole week. In my desperation, I turned to the simplest thing I could find — organic coconut oil. Twice I’ve rubbed it gently across my sore, burning skin, and though the redness lingers, the pain has softened. It reminds me that sometimes God doesn’t take away the storm right away, but He offers a little mercy in the middle of it. 📖 "He gives power to the weak, and to those who have no might He increases strength." — Isaiah 40:29 (NKJV) This itching feels relentless, yet I sense the Holy Spirit whispering that healing is not only about the absence of symptoms, but also about His presence that sustains me in the waiting. I can rest in knowing my body is not abandoned, even when it rebels. 🙌Prayer: Lord, You see me when I am weary of my own skin. You know how hard it is to wait for healing when each moment feels raw. I ask for Your soothing touch over my body, especially my eyes, and for patience in the process. Thank You for little mercies that remind me You are near — even in coconut oil on an inflamed face. Help me to remember that my worth and joy do not rest on how I feel, but on who You are. In Jesus’ Name, Amen. I will hold onto hope that this flare will not last forever. My body may ache, but my heart is held.

Among others, I received this word from Sandra during prayer ministry on 4/6/2020... "Be still & know I am here. INVEST: The Lord wants you to invest in you personally. You're not a waste of time, money & effort. What would that look like? • Take time to discover what fills your creative well • New haircut? • New dress? • Take the time & money you need for qualifications? • How can l express the beauty of me?" After all this time, I have finally checked off the fourth item on this list with a new "girly-girl" haircut this week. The next one to conquer is taking time to discover what fills my creativity well...

I found this little treasure in my old study Bible yesterday. I am not sure if this was Jesse's or Misha's handiwork & I don't know how long this has been in my Bible, but during prayer ministry on Saturday, I was told to read Songs of Solomon & here I had it bookmarked💕 That’s got to be significant...

This morning I stumbled across an old prophecy from thirty years ago, spoken on 14/11/1993 by visiting pastor Mike Berry from the USA at The Lighthouse in Parow, Cape Town. It felt like a gentle echo from heaven, finding me again in a different season of life: > *"There's been a war in your house, a tremendous war. It's almost been times where it's been extremely violent & it's principality & powers that's warred against you. And it's been times when you've prayed & prayed: 'God give deliverance! God give deliverance!' And you didn't even think God was listening to you. You felt like God has shut the heavens against you & you said: 'I don't know how God's going to answer.' But it's been like a braze from heaven. God is breaking through right now. And the thing He's promised you in your prayer times & the times that you've worshipped God in this place & the things that you're seen in your life, God has come through & revealed things to you. God is going to do that in your life & in your family's life. He's going to set that place free & break that spirit that's been over that place in the Name of Jesus! He's going to turn the hearts of the sons to their fathers, the hearts of the fathers to their sons. He's going to remove the heart of stone & give you a heart of flesh."* For so many years I tucked this away, almost embarrassed to hope, because my heart grew weary and disappointed. I even stopped believing that it could ever come true. Yet now, three decades later, I am beginning to see the first blossoms of fulfilment. That heart of stone, which I recently realised was my own, is softening through the tender love of my tribe sisters and the steady encouragement of my community. 📖 "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh." — Ezekiel 36:26 (NKJV) How faithful our God is — He does not forget what He has spoken. Even when our hope falters, His promises stand unshaken. Healing is slow and tender, but like clay warmed by the potter’s hands, my heart is being reshaped by love. Today I rest in gratitude, knowing that no prayer has ever been wasted, no tear unseen, no longing unheard. What once felt like silence has become the sweetest melody of restoration.

Sometimes God teaches His lessons through seemingly mundane activities, and this morning in my studio was one such moment. As I was resining a project, I noticed tiny bubbles hidden beneath the glossy surface. They were almost invisible to the human eye, yet when the light caught them at just the right angle, they became clear. In that instant, I was reminded of the hidden sinful responses we often carry in our hearts. These quiet, tucked-away places affect our health and emotions, though we try to hide them. Yet they can never be hidden from the Lord. 📖 "For nothing is secret that will not be revealed, nor anything hidden that will not be known and come to light." — Luke 8:17 (NKJV) God, in His mercy, will not heal what we refuse to acknowledge, confess, and repent of. When the Holy Spirit shines His light into our hearts, those hidden bubbles are exposed—triggers that make us react when someone presses our “buttons.” The Lord longs to heal us from these reactions, to remove the sting of painful memories, and to set us free from the power of those hidden wounds. Yet He will not intrude. As long as we keep those places hidden, they continue to hold power over us. It is only when we invite Him in—when we are willing to face the fireball of pain that brings cleansing—that healing comes. Like resin exposed to heat that releases the bubbles to the surface, the Holy Spirit burns away anything in our lives that does not bring Him glory. 📖 "He will sit as a refiner and a purifier of silver; He will purify the sons of Levi, and purge them as gold and silver, that they may offer to the Lord an offering in righteousness." — Malachi 3:3 (NKJV) This process of sanctification and transformation takes time. It requires our commitment to seek Him, to trust His refining work, and to allow Him to expose what needs confession, repentance, and forgiveness. Yet through it all, His hand is gentle and His love unfailing. He does not reveal to condemn but to redeem. May we have the courage to let His light shine into the hidden places, knowing that every bubble He exposes is an opportunity for freedom. Prayer: Holy Spirit, I invite You to shine Your light into the hidden places of my heart. Expose what needs to be brought before You, and give me the courage to face it with honesty. Refine me like silver, that I may be cleansed and healed, offering my life as a testimony to Your glory. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Looking back over my life, I can see how pain and trauma had wrapped themselves around my story from the very beginning. Born into an era that discouraged affection, I carried the heavy weight of rejection, abandonment, and shame. My earliest memories were of fear, silence, and suppression—being forced to swallow tears, hiding in closets, and growing up in an environment clouded by alcohol, violence, and instability. By the time I was a teenager, I had already endured multiple uprootings, molestation, parental divorce, and a deep sense of displacement. Yet even in the midst of brokenness, God planted a seed of purpose. At 19, I encountered Christ, and the words of Isaiah 61:1-4 stirred deeply in my heart: “The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me, because the Lord has anointed Me to preach good tidings to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the broken-hearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound.” Though I felt far too shattered to step into this call, His whisper never left me. Through decades of striving, rejection, loss, and self-protection, I tried to make myself worthy through performance and good deeds. My identity was tangled in being needed rather than being loved as God’s child. When leaders I had served alongside for years turned away in my season of grief, my faith crumbled. Depression swallowed me, and I turned from God. Yet even then, He did not turn from me. In 2017, my brother—estranged for decades—reached out after a dream from God. He became a lifeline of support, and in 2019 I rededicated my life to Christ. Just weeks later, on 17 January 2019, the Lord delivered me from a lifelong battle with depression. For the first time, I tasted true freedom. When the world shut down in 2020, unresolved pain rose like a volcano, revealing the false refuges I had built. In His mercy, God led me to Elijah House, where deep healing began. Through prayer ministry, I learnt that investing in myself was not selfish but obedience—that God saw me as worthy of care, beauty, and joy. I recognised the lies I had believed, repented for the vows and judgements I had made, and began to embrace the beloved daughter God created me to be. Generational patterns of trauma and rejection had to be broken. I realised that children inherit not only what we teach but what we live. By drawing a line in the sand, repenting, and asking forgiveness for my ancestors’ sins, I opened the door for freedom in my family line. Already, I have seen the ripple of healing: my marriage renewed, my sons beginning to express love in ways they never had before. Like Pinocchio finding life in the hands of his carpenter, I have found life in the Carpenter’s hands—Jesus, who cut the strings of shame, perfectionism, and fear. Today I can say with joy: I am home in the Father’s house. I belong. I have identity, culture, and purpose. I am ready to carry His healing to the nations. 📖 "And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony..." — Revelation 12:11 (NKJV) Closing Prayer: Father, thank You for redeeming every broken piece of my story and weaving it into a testimony of Your grace. Where rejection once defined me, Your love has claimed me. Where shame once silenced me, Your truth has set me free. May my life be a vessel through which Your healing flows to the nations. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Last night carried me into yet another strange dream, one that still lingers in my heart this morning. I found myself watching a group of youngsters playing in the field near our home. Among them was Devyn, his laughter filling the air, and with him came a great elephant — so gentle, so familiar, as if it were our pet. They joined the children in their play, an odd but beautiful sight, a symbol of strength mingled with innocence. After some time, both Devyn and the elephant turned back home. Something in me longed to follow, to remain close to them. Yet as I tried, I suddenly realised I had wandered into an unfamiliar town. The street names meant nothing to me, and with that came a creeping panic. My heart raced as fear set in, and my feet betrayed me — stuck fast to the ground as though bound by unseen chains. Desperate, I turned to walk backwards, hoping movement might return, but no matter how I tried, I could not move. I was frozen, watching the world slip further from my grasp. The rest of the dream faded when I awoke, yet this fragment stayed etched within me. Perhaps it speaks of seasons where the way forward seems blocked, when familiar landmarks vanish and fear whispers of being lost. Yet even in such moments, God’s Word reassures me: 📖 "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." — Isaiah 41:10 (NKJV) How often in life do our feet feel stuck — unable to move toward where we long to be? Sometimes it is fear, sometimes grief, and sometimes the sheer weight of the unknown. Yet even then, we are not abandoned. God’s hand steadies us, even when our own legs cannot carry us. I find comfort knowing that the elephant — a symbol of strength and steadfastness — was part of the dream. Perhaps a reminder that even when I feel paralysed, His strength is present. His presence is near, guiding me home. 🕊️ Prayer: Lord, when I feel stuck in fear and unfamiliar places, help me to rest in Your presence. Free my feet from the heaviness that holds me back. Give me courage to keep moving in step with You, knowing You are my guide and my strength. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Yesterday’s rains poured down with such unrelenting force that they turned streets into rivers and homes into islands. Auckland has been declared in a state of emergency, and our local Countdown and town centre are under water. My heart aches for those who have been displaced, for those watching treasured belongings carried away by the flood. I can only thank God for His grace in guiding me home from serving at Elijah House C-School in Pakuranga just before the storm struck. The motorway was strangely clear all the way to Constellation, and I arrived home moments before the heavens opened. By the time I reached my front door, I was soaked through, yet safe. Had I been five minutes later, I would have been stuck in the chaos on the flooded motorway. That timing was no coincidence; it was His mercy. In times like these, we are reminded that life can shift in an instant. The things we take for granted can be washed away without warning. Yet God remains steady, our Rock, our Shelter, our Anchor in the flood. 📖 "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you." — Isaiah 43:2 (NKJV) Tonight my prayers rise for every family impacted by the floods, for safety, shelter, and peace in the storm. May the Holy Spirit comfort the grieving, strengthen the weary, and remind us all that even in chaos, His presence is a sure refuge. 🌿 Prayer: Lord, You are our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Stretch out Your hand to those in need, bring calm to their fears, and surround them with Your unfailing love. Restore what has been lost and let hope spring forth like dry ground after rain. In Jesus’ Name, Amen. --- Even as the waters rise, so too does God’s faithfulness. He holds us close, never letting go, until the storm subsides and peace returns. You are not forgotten, not alone — you are deeply loved and sheltered in Him.

There’s a question that echoes across generations and career stages: “How can I quickly distinguish myself as a winner?” The world often teaches us to aim for approval — to meet expectations, tick the boxes, and earn an A+. Yet true impact doesn’t come from blending in or playing it safe. It comes from over-delivering — from showing up with heart, purpose, and vision that goes beyond what is asked. In school, excellence meant answering questions correctly. In life, excellence means asking better questions, solving problems others overlook, and bringing value that wasn’t requested but was deeply needed. This kind of standout contribution isn’t just good business — it’s Kingdom mindset. God didn’t place us on this earth to camouflage ourselves in comfort or conformity. He calls us to be salt and light — to carry His brilliance into the ordinary, to bring creativity into chaos, and to uplift every environment we enter. 📖 “You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden.” — Matthew 5:14 (NIV) So when your boss asks for a simple report — give her vision. When your team loses direction — bring clarity. When your world grows silent with uncertainty — speak life. Standing out isn’t about hustling for attention. It’s about carrying heavenly excellence — doing what you do with such grace, wisdom, and faith that Heaven’s fingerprint is visible in your work. Do more than confirm the hunch — expand the horizon. Do more than fit the mould — be the vessel that shifts culture. When you lead with integrity and love, your light shines without striving. You don’t compete for visibility; you illuminate with purpose. 💡 Reflection: Where have I been dimming my light to fit in rather than shining for God’s glory? 🤔 What does Kingdom excellence look like in my workplace or daily tasks? 🤔 🎺 Affirmation: I am called to rise above mediocrity and reflect God’s brilliance wherever I go. I bring light, creativity, and purpose to every assignment — not for applause, but for His glory. 🙌 Prayer: Father, thank You for calling me to be light in this world. Teach me to serve with excellence that honours You. Let my work reveal Your character — diligent, creative, and full of grace. Help me to bring value beyond what is expected and to lead with love that inspires transformation. Lord, give me eyes to see what others miss, courage to speak what others won’t, and the boldness to deliver more than what’s expected. May my work reflect Your excellence, and may my life be a light that leads others to You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Last night, four years ago, I was listening to a sermon by Sarah Jakes Roberts. I cannot even say I remember what she preached, but during her closing prayer I felt the Lord lift the heaviness off my chest. For the first time in my life, I did not cry myself to sleep on my birthday. 📖 "A bruised reed He will not break, and smoking flax He will not quench, till He sends forth justice to victory." — Matthew 12:20 (NKJV) The enemy still comes knocking, trying to stir up old pain. Yet today I thank the Lord for carrying me through another trigger season. November was off to a hard start with my uncle's passing, stirring all my unresolved losses. Uncle Manfred was just six years older than me, which made our bond so unique — more like a brother than an uncle. Losing him reawakened old grief, as if a piece of my childhood had been taken from me once again. Then I was triggered again two nights before Christmas with an innocent question: "What is your first Christmas memory?" My first Christmas memory is also the last time I saw my grandparents, just before I turned ten, when we visited Germany. Hearing others' happy stories has always been a painful reminder of what I lost and what home and family should have been like. We often assume Christmas is merry and bright for all, yet for many it is the hardest time. This time I struggled more than I like to admit. Not only did I cry myself to sleep at night, I fought back tears during the day, whispering in my heart, "I hate Christmas." Having renounced my vow never to cry again, I have lost the ability to suppress my tears. Although difficult, this is good—it means I can acknowledge and deal with the pain. God willing, I am aiming to reach the root of this November to January trigger season. With the help of my Elijah House tribe sister, Wendy, I traced the wound back to the sudden loss of everything familiar when we migrated to South Africa at five years old. I still need to address the judgements, expectations, and inner vows bound up in that memory. I am praying for breakthrough, so that this will be the last year of waging this battle with tears and heaviness through the Christmas season. The enemy has been served his eviction notice. No more trigger seasons! This week I celebrate four years of renewed life in Christ, overcoming a lifelong struggle with depression, and beholding the healing and restoration the Lord has brought into my life and my family’s lives. --- Reflection What trigger seasons surface in your own life, and how might God be inviting you to let Him touch those memories? Are there vows you have made in pain that He wants to heal and release you from? Prayer Lord Jesus, thank You for lifting the heaviness from my chest and for walking with me through every valley. Heal the deep wounds that trigger sorrow, and redeem the memories that feel too heavy to bear. Replace every inner vow with Your truth and every tear with Your joy. Teach me to rest in the victory You have already won. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.