The Embrace I Never Knew I Needed:

Healing the Legacy of Withheld Affection

There are some wounds we don’t have words for until much later in life.

They begin as moments of silence — unanswered questions, unmet glances, unnoticed tears. They look like withdrawal, or “being strong,” or staying quiet so that we won’t be a burden. But underneath, they whisper a message many of us have carried far too long:

You’re not worth holding.

You see, in 1934, Johanna Haarer published a book called The German Mother and Her First Child. It quickly became the parenting manual of Nazi Germany. In it, mothers were told to raise their children with emotional restraint — to avoid eye contact, to ignore crying, to keep children alone in separate rooms. The goal wasn’t love. It was obedience. These teachings were drilled into millions of women, shaping how they raised their babies. And those babies? 🤔 They became our grandparents and our parents.

Suddenly, my mother’s coldness made sense. My father’s silence wasn’t rejection. It was inherited pain — a wound passed down like an heirloom no one wanted.

And in that moment, something cracked open inside me: not just sorrow, but compassion.

I could see my mum as a little girl again, not a grown woman who withheld love, but a tiny child who never received it. And my heart broke, not just for me, but for her.

This isn’t about blame.

It’s about breaking the cycle.

Generational neglect often hides beneath the surface. It’s not always dramatic — sometimes, it’s the absence of something we never knew we needed. A hug that didn’t come. A tear that wasn’t wiped. A joy that wasn’t celebrated. And over time, that absence becomes a language — one we pass on without meaning to.

This image — The Embrace I Never Knew I Needed — was born out of that ache. A crying little girl, curled up beneath a tree, her body outlined in translucent lines, as if fading into the background. Around her, ghostly arms spiral like memories of affection that never quite arrived. And yet… right at her heart, a tender warmth glows.

Because even in silence, there is still something inside that longs to be held, and that longing is holy. It is not weakness. It is the beginning of healing.

This post is for anyone who:

• Grew up emotionally invisible

• Learned to protect themselves with distance or perfectionism

• Believed that needing comfort was shameful

• Still wrestles with feeling replaceable or not enough

Maybe you’ve carried wounds that never had a name until now. Maybe, like me, you were triggered not by something huge, but by a series of quiet dismissals: being ignored by someone you respected, receiving no reply to heartfelt questions, feeling passed over without explanation.

In those moments, our inner child rises. Not to accuse but to be acknowledged.

🕊️ Here’s what I want you to know:

You were never too much. You were never unworthy of being held. You were never created to carry your grief in silence.

You were made for love — gentle, sacred, healing love and if you never received that embrace, then you are allowed to offer it to yourself now.

💬 “The silence stops with me.”Let that be your declaration of healing.

I invite you to explore the full reflection, including journaling prompts, artwork pairing, and healing affirmations in this post ➤ https://www.trixiscreations.com/this-is-my-story/the-embrace-i-never-knew-i-needed%3A.

If it speaks to your heart, share it with someone who may need to know they’re not alone in their ache.

Together, we’re rebuilding the ruins. One tender truth at a time. One embrace at a time. Even — and especially — the ones we never knew we needed.